First Breath

I drew my first breath, and then another. The process of returning to life should have been a rush, a relief, but I shivered, wracked with cold and agony that prickled over my skin and filled my lungs along with the oxygen and flowed through every vein in my body.

There was murmuring in my ears, a foreign collection of mad syllables that my brain couldn't sort out. Was it coming from within my own mind?

I shied away from the very idea, and then started as I picked out a phrase.

"It's coming around." And then. "Excellent. We may have a success. Give that to me." A secondary pain pricked the inside of my elbow and I flinched away reflexively, banging my elbow against something solid.

"Restrain it you idiots!" the voice snarled, almost in my ear.

Hands seized my arms and legs, holding me firmly, though even as my unknown tormentors assailed me it no longer mattered. I felt whatever it was flow through me as if it was ice water that had been injected into my veins. Icy numbness spread through my veins, and my limbs grew heavy and still, though I struggled instinctively to try to move.

"Good, good..." the voice purred, and recognition came along with a rush of memories and understanding.

"Hojo," I whispered, and my eyes opened almost of their own volition.

The rush of hatred I experienced when I first saw that face peering down into my own was so strong I'm almost surprised that I didn't reach up and wring his neck, notwithstanding the drug he'd injected me with.

Glee, tinged with an edge of unmistakable sadism, flickered in the dark eyes floating above me. The scientist had leaned so far forward, his long ponytail had fallen forward over his shoulder and the strands nearly brushed my chest. For a moment, our eyes met and held before he straightened and glanced away towards the people assisting him, their faces all new to me. I recognized none of the ones I could make out in the gloom.

For an instant, I saw a reflection of red, feral eyes in the lenses that shielded Hojo's eyes. What was that?

"Leave us," he snapped impatiently. He was always impatient, always rude and condescending to his assistants. I had always wondered why they showed him such loyalty.

As the people filed out, one of them carefully leaving a notebook behind for Hojo's use before she closed the door, I took a few moments to assess my surroundings. At least, what little of them I could see, since I couldn't so much as twitch a finger, let alone sit up. I could turn my head from side to side a little, though.

Above was rough-hewn rock, as if the room I lay in was carved out of the bedrock beneath the Nibelhiem mansion. Definitely the basement, and not one of the main library or laboratory rooms, then. Had he shoved my corpse into a storage room? Or was this project, whatever it was, a secret even from the President?

To either side, sheer walls rose, like I was in a box instead of on a bed. The bedding felt like satin under my cheek, and it was shaped oddly, wider to accommodate my shoulders and then narrowing towards my feet--

The realization hit me like a bolt of lightning, so strong that I couldn't repress the soft cry that bubbled up from my throat. With his typical sadistic sense of humour, Hojo had put me in a coffin.

Had I really been dead? That was impossible...wasn't it?

The cry brought the attention of the scientist back onto me, and his loathsome face again filled the range of my vision, a small recording device held up to his thin lips. "Subject is resistant to the paralysing agent," he dictated. "Reactions indicate small range of movement, but recommend upping dosage by 1 cc during next examination. Heart rate and breathing are approaching normal human parameters less than 5 minutes following resuscitation. There have been some vocalizations, suggesting that speech may be possible."

Being spoken over like a lump of flesh under a microscope made me feel cold all over again. I didn't want to talk to him - in fact, all I wanted was a return to the blessed unthinking numbness of death - but I was alive, and I couldn't help but strive for some kind of answers. "Hojo," I whispered again, my lips numb and my throat rasping as if I'd been screaming for a very long time.

Hojo started, his eyes widening behind the lenses. "Subject appears to recognize me. Cognitive abilities may approach human norms. Recommend intelligence testing at some future date," he continued to dictate in a rapid-fire manner.

"Hojo, stop," I managed. Hades, how sore I was! I felt like a muffling blanket was thrown over my mind as well, and that didn't help my coherency. "I need..."

Amazingly, Hojo lowered the dictating machine and addressed me directly. "Chaos, do you know me?" he asked, his eyes alive with excitement.

My forehead furrowed as I frowned. He might have spoken to me, but I didn't understand what he'd asked. I cast about in panic for a moment, wondering how I was supposed to take his words, and if perhaps I'd lost something crucial during my long sleep and that was why his words made no sense.

How was I to know that I hadn't lost anything, but gained?

"Not Chaos," I said finally, giving up on understanding. "I'm Vincent. Where..." I swallowed what little saliva there was in my mouth, knowing that my next question probably wouldn't result in anything pleasant. But I had to ask. "Where is Lucrecia?"

Why did a cold, impersonal disappointment flicker in Hojo's eyes at my question, instead of rage or amusement?

He started to raise the dictating machine again then seemed to think better of it, clicking it off instead and setting it down. "Lucrecia is dead," he said, his thin lips curving upwards. "She gave her life for the project. Years ago."

Oh yes, there was the amusement. But I scarcely noticed, as I felt those words hollow me out inside. I closed my eyes briefly, struggling not to show the despair I felt in my expression.

When I opened my eyes again, he was leaning closer, his face filling my vision. I felt my skin crawl as he laid a hand on my chest, feeling its warm weight even through the layers of clothing he'd swathed me in. Not my old uniform, but a concoction of leather and tattered red cloth. "That's right, Vincent," he murmured, his voice a purr that assaulted my ears. "Sephiroth is growing up nicely. Obedient. Perfect in every way. Unlike you."

I had no interest in being perfect for Hojo, and I shook my head faintly. "What did you do to me?" I whispered, but there was no heat in my words. Lucrecia was dead, and yet I still wanted to know. Nothing had any meaning, but I still asked.

"That is classified," Hojo said with glee.

"Classified?" I echoed, feeling a little bit of anger despite the cold emptiness inside me. "You can't classify that from me. It's my body."

I should have known better. I should have just accepted that Hojo was a sadistic bastard and found some other way to get the information.

Instead I flinched as his laughter assaulted my ears. He lifted his hand from my chest and brushed at a bit of hair that had fallen into my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. "Your hair is getting so long, Vincent," he said smugly. "Amazing how the hair continues to grow after death." His fingertips lingered on my cheek, my skin crawling under their light touch. There was something possessive, almost sexual in the touch that filled me with horror.

"Let's get one thing straight," he continued, his voice growing cold. "You are dead. And your body belongs to ShinRa Electric Power Company. And therefore by extension, to me."

Maybe it was the drugs and the long sleep that was addling my thinking and my reflexes, making it hard to keep my mouth shut. Maybe it was just the fresh rush of horror that went through me at his words that made me act without thinking. Whatever it was, I couldn't help but compound my error.

"No," I said, shaking my head and trying to draw away from that foul touch. "I don't belong to you."

"You are dead, Vincent," Hojo hissed again, his teeth showing as he grinned at me. "You are nothing more than a specimen in my experiment. The sooner you get used to the idea, the easier it will be for you."

"Shut up," I snapped, hating him with every fibre of my being. My body trembled once, my loathing so strong that it reacted feebly despite the strong drug. "I'll kill you." He had killed Lucrecia, killed me. He wouldn't just let me fall back into sleep, let me flee my pain. All he wanted was to make it worse.

Hojo smirked at me. He didn't pick up or turn on the dictating machine, and yet he started to dictate anyway, mocking me. "Subject's agitation appears to increase when confronted with details of his former life and current situation. Recommend 2 cc's additional paralysing agent, for safety, upon next examination."

I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sound of his nasal, irritating voice. Concentrating on slowing my breathing, I forced myself to calm down. Getting upset would only make him enjoy this more, make him hurt me even more deeply. I felt something twist inside me, something foreign and...wrong, but as I started to calm down it grew quiescent again.

Oh Hades...what was that thing he'd put inside me?

Just becoming aware of it made me have to clench my teeth to repress a scream. If I started screaming, I'd never be able to stop.

Cool fingers touched my cheek again and drifted down to my throat like a lover's touch, causing me to flinch and open my eyes. Hojo had stopped dictating, and was instead whispering soothing words, as if I was a dog he was training.

"Good, that's better. Just remain calm, Vincent. Do you feel something different about you? Something changed?"

Swallowing hard at the questions, I nodded. "What--"

"I will not answer questions," Hojo said, his voice turning a bit sharp. "So stop asking."

I narrowed my eyes and shut the hell up. Fine, then.

Leaning forward eagerly, his fingers still brushing the pulse point in the side of my neck, Hojo searched my expression with his eyes. "What does it feel like?"

Gritting my teeth, I considered just being childish and not saying anything further. The idea was seductive, and I enjoyed the thought for a few moments before I opened my mouth anyway. "Tell me what it is and I'll tell you."

Instead of responding with annoyance - or even better, some answers - Hojo just smirked at me. "Tell me what it feels like, and perhaps I will tell you what it is."

"You're full of--" My words cut off with a choking sound as his fingers shifted suddenly. From a gentle touch I'd almost managed to fully ignore, his long fingers were now gripping the side of my neck firmly, his thumb pressing hard just under my Adam's apple.

"I ask so little of my subjects," Hojo hissed in a cold and menacing tone. "Just obedience. Is that so hard? One would think after what happened the last time, you would understand the price of misbehaviour, but it appears you need more lessons."

I tried to struggle, but nothing happened except a weak shivering in my limbs. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of begging for air and I closed my eyes, remembering that my life was empty and I wanted to die anyway.

Long before that release was granted me, unfortunately, Hojo's fingers loosened. I took in a gasp of air, my body betraying me with a grateful moan. "You'll learn, Vincent," the scientist murmured. "And then things will be a lot easier for you."

I shook my head faintly, not so much a 'no', as a general denial of everything. Everything he said, everything that had happened, everything in the entire world.

Hojo made an impatient sound. "You don't have a choice," he said. "In the end, you'll see that."

There was another prick in my arm and I felt the muffling cloth wrapping my brain deepen, folds and folds piling on top of me and smothering me. I opened my eyes, struggling to stay conscious as the edges of my vision was eaten away by blackness, just in time to see Hojo picking up the dictating machine again.

His voice followed me as my eyes slipped closed of their own accord. "Subject displays clear memories of his former life and no understanding of current status. Further testing will have to be done to see if the infusion has taken hold..."

The last thing I heard was a creak and an echoing thud as the coffin door slammed shut, but I was already immersed in darkness.

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