Part 2

Perhaps an hour passed before Katsushiro started to shiver and moan softly in his sleep. The sounds were soft, more like breathy gasps than anything else. In his dream Katsushiro relived the attack, except this time there wasn't any Kyuuzou there to stop them. It felt like he was being torn in half, and he would have screamed except he was choking on the cock in his mouth. It wasn't that nobody had ever tried anything with him before - of course they had, he was young and pretty. But he had a sword, he was a samurai, and he was good enough with that sword that even most other samurai had thought twice about trying him.

Kyuuzou opened his eyes as the boy began to cry out softly in his sleep. Damn. "Katsushiro," he said in a low voice. "Wake up. Katsushiro."

Katsushiro was whimpering now, and gagging softly as well, his expression one of horror and shame even in his sleep. He thrashed once, knocking his katana off the mattress onto the floor.

Kyuuzou sat up and eyed the thrashing boy for a moment. "Katsushiro," he said, more loudly. Grabbing him by the shoulders, he shook him hard, ready to block any blows the other samurai might direct towards him.

With a gasp and a soft cry Katsushiro woke, lashing out at the person holding him in blind panic. His blows were weak and unaimed, Kyuuzou hardly even needed to dodge them. When his eyes actually focused and he saw who was holding him, Katsushiro didn't relax in the least. "LET GO!" he cried, trying frantically to wrench away. "Let go, don't touch me!"

Kyuuzou let go instantly, pulling back and raising his hands slightly in surrender. "You were dreaming," he said, his voice maddeningly calm as ever. "I was trying to wake you up." His eyes narrowed with anger. As if I would do that to you. What do you take me for?

Seeing the anger in the older man's gaze, Katsushiro couldn't help but flinch away. He huddled against the wall at the head of the bed, eyeing Kyuuzou with an expression that was equal parts panic, wariness, and apology. He knew he was being unreasonable, but the dream still had him tightly in its grasp. "I'm sorry," he gasped, fighting to control the way he was shaking. "I didn't mean... please accept my apology. And for waking you."

Kyuuzou glanced down slightly, sparing Katsushiro the direct force of his gaze. "Don't apologize," he said, then raised his head again, spearing Katsushiro once more - though at least now the anger was gone. "I see you were hurt more badly than I was led to believe."

Katsushiro stiffened, though he was still trembling. "I'm not injured," he insisted, turning away and wishing he dared clutch one of the pillows to him. That would seem childish, though, like a frightened boy clinging to his mother's skirts, and the last thing he needed to do now was give Kyuuzou more reason to look down on him.

Instead he slipped out of the bed, padding over to where his sword had skittered across the hard wooden floor, grateful that the chill in the air now gave him an excuse for his shivering.

Kyuuzou's eyes followed him. "I didn't mean that you're injured," he said. "I meant that they hurt you. I thought I'd stopped them in time." His face twisted, the rage flaring up in his eyes even more strongly than before. "I killed them too quickly."

Katsushiro paused, still away from the bed, and glanced back at him. "You didn't realize?" His mouth twisted in a sour expression. Damn, if I just hadn't woken him, he'd never have known. The sudden rage on the older samurai's face was a little disconcerting, considering Katsushiro had never yet seen ANY expression from Kyuuzou. "They're dead. That's all that matters," he said flatly.

"No, it's not," Kyuuzou said. The rage drained out of his face like water down a drain and he cocked his head at Katsushiro. "You believe I would do that to you?" His eyes speared the younger man again, their message clear. Be honest.

Katsushiro looked back at him, and weighed everything he knew of this virtual stranger. It wasn't much. Then he factored in the high respect Kambei seemed to have for him... and shook his head. "No, I don't," he said with conviction. "I was still half asleep, that's all. I am sorry."

"Would you prefer that I sleep in the other room?" Kyuuzou asked quietly. He didn't particularly care either way - he'd just wanted to make a point of staying with Katsushiro just in case this exact thing happened.

"No!" The word burst from him before he could censor himself, and Katsushiro coloured faintly. The fact was, he felt safer with the older man there. Kyuuzou had saved him once. "I'm still injured," he finally said softly. "I'm sure I'll be fine in a day or two, but... I feel better with someone to watch my back in the meantime." His leg was aching now, too... it had only been a few days since the arrow had struck him, after all. At least, he thought it was only a few days. He wasn't entirely certain how long he'd spent in a fever, unaware of the passage of time. His flush deepened a little. Why was it always him who was getting injured? At least Kyuuzou hadn't been there for that, he didn't know about it. And none of the others would know about this.

Kyuuzou nodded, accepting this. "Then come back," he said, gesturing towards Katsushiro.

It took him a moment - despite his own words of trust, part of Katsushiro could see nothing but the large, strong, mostly naked male on the bed, and shied away from the thought of going nearer. Taking a quiet breath, the young samurai gritted his teeth and forced himself forward, climbing back into the bed and resettling himself with his katana at his side once again.

"You stopped them before they could do any serious damage, at least," he said, grateful his voice didn't break. He still couldn't quite meet the older man's eyes, though. "I didn't thank you before."

"Perhaps," Kyuuzou whispered, watching the younger boy closely. "It looks as though they did some damage." The thanks were dismissed with a wave of the hand. What can I do? he thought, but a moment later he knew. He just didn't want to. He gritted his teeth. "I...understand," he said quietly.

"You..." Katsushiro jerked his head around to give him a hard stare, at first disbelieving. How the hell does he think he could understand? He's never... Then realization dawned, and his expression changed first to shock, then resignation. "Oh. I'm..." What, sorry? He won't appreciate that, any more than you would. GLAD? Yeah, that'll go over well. He settled for shaking his head, at a loss for words.

Kyuuzou glanced away, a little hurt by the lack of response. "I apologize," he said formally. "I thought if you knew, it would make you feel more...at ease with me knowing about what happened to you. I've made you uncomfortable."

Katsushiro blinked. "No," he corrected softly. "I just... don't know what to say, that doesn't sound stupid or condescending or both," he finally admitted. "It... it does help. Thank you."

Since Kyuuzou was looking away, he took the opportunity to study the older man a bit. Kyuuzou was such a deadly fighter, Katsushiro couldn't imagine him being put into the position Katsushiro had been earlier that night... but then again, presumably Kyuuzou hadn't always been such a good fighter. And anybody could be caught by surprise.

Looking at the older man objectively for the first time since he'd originally encountered him, Katsushiro saw that Kyuuzou had the same kind of delicate bone structure Katsushiro himself did. The sort of features usually described as 'pretty' rather than handsome. And he was slender - that thick coat and his strong, graceful movements made you think he was bigger than he actually was.

Why, he's hardly any older than me, is he? he realized in surprise. And I bet when he was younger, he was just as 'pretty'... it's just that all that hair and his expression hides it now.

Kyuuzou glanced up, catching Katsushiro watching him, and met his gaze fearlessly. "You're welcome," he said. He pursed his lips, looking almost...uncertain. "Do you want to talk about it?" Somewhere, he'd heard that was what one was supposed to say in this kind of situation.

Katsushiro shuddered faintly. "Not horribly, no," he said, brow furrowing. Why on earth would he want to talk about it? "Do you?" he asked, wondering if that was why Kyuuzou had asked.

"No," Kyuuzou said firmly. Then he frowned, shrugging. "Unless you want to hear. It doesn't matter to me."

Looking at the older man, a realization came to Katsushiro, and his lips twitched as he snorted. "Neither of us has any clue what to say here, do we?" he asked, amused by their floundering. Well, at least he wasn't the only one. For once.

The corner of Kyuuzou's mouth twitched upwards. "I suppose not," he agreed. He sobered slightly. "I want to help, but I'm not sure I can. That is all."

Katsushiro shifted so he was facing the other man more, then resettled himself, frowning in thought. "I have no idea what would help or what wouldn't," he said honestly. "It... it does help... knowing that at least you won't judge me for it." He wanted to ask something stupid like 'do you ever stop thinking about it', or 'does it ever stop scaring you', but that WAS stupid. Of course it would get better with time. He just... had to stop THINKING about it.

"Of course not," Kyuuzou said, frowning. "It's not your fault. From the bruises, I can see that you fought hard." He wanted to apologize, but he couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't sound stupid. Finally, he just shook his head. "I'm sorry, Katsushiro. I should have followed you more closely. It should never have happened, you are--" too young, was what he was going to say, but then it occurred to him that Katsushiro was older than HE'D been, the first time. "...not deserving of such a thing."

"Aren't I?" Katsushiro's voice was bitter. "I practically handed myself to them on a silver platter. I never should have gone out, and I certainly should have been paying more attention to my surroundings! I let them get the drop on me, corner me in an out of the way place... and then I moved away from the wall, and let the one I hadn't noticed come in behind me." He shook his head. "This is nobody's fault but my own. Certainly not yours. It's not your job to watch over me."

Aha, he DOES want to talk about it. Suddenly, the advice made sense. "You had no reason to believe you would be attacked, and you lack experience that only time can give you," Kyuuzou replied. "Next time, you won't be so careless."

"You've got that part right, at least," Katsushiro agreed with conviction. He'd NEVER make that mistake again. Any of them. "I just have to get stronger. Like you, and Kambei-dono. So nobody will ever be able to do that to me."

Kyuuzou's lips twisted ironically. "That is a good attitude to take, but sometimes even strength can't save you," he said quietly. "What would you do if Kambei asked it of you?"

"If..." Katsushiro stared at him incredulously. "He wouldn't," he finally said, firmly. "Kambei-dono isn't like that."

But what if he was? a voice whispered quietly inside him. He wouldn't be the first samurai master to ask that of his student... "If he was the sort of person to ask that, then... then he wouldn't be the person I thought he was," he added softly. "He wouldn't be the person I wanted so badly to learn from."

Kyuuzou blinked. "Why not?" he asked. "He's a strong samurai, an honourable and wise man. You want to learn from him for those reasons. But none of those things would prevent him from wanting to lie with you."

"What's honourable about taking advantage of your authority over someone to demand that they do that with you?" Katsushiro wanted to know. "If someone would take advantage of their status in that way, what's to say they wouldn't do it in other ways, as well? Where do you draw the line?"

"There is no dishonour in exercising one's authority in accepted ways," Kyuuzou said firmly. "And to many people, that practice is perfectly acceptable. The fact that you don't believe it is, is immaterial."

Katsushiro started to object, but then fell silent as he thought about it. He certainly wouldn't object in any way to Kambei ordering him to, say... guard him while he slept. Or to clean his clothes - that was the sort of thing students did. So, where did you draw the line? If cleaning clothes was 'just the sort of things students do', why not taking care of other needs?

"I guess I can see the argument both ways," he finally admitted, albeit reluctantly. "I guess... I guess if he did..." He couldn't make himself say the words, though, and his mouth twisted. "Damn it!" He couldn't even think about it... trying to picture Kambei asking that of him just brought him right back to the mental images of what the Yakuza had done earlier that night.

Kyuuzou shrugged. "Only you know what you'd do, and I doubt it'll ever become an issue. But you see why I say that strength is not all that matters?" He eyed Katsushiro. "I am strong, after all."

Katsushiro blinked at him in confusion, ready to say that of course he was, that's why Katsushiro wanted to be more like him. Then the real meaning of the words hit him, and he blinked again. It happened to him while he is as strong as he is now? But how... a teacher? That would explain his questions about Sensei... but if he thinks it's okay for a teacher to do that, then why would he say he's been through the same thing I have? "Even I don't know what I'd do," he admitted. "Maybe... later, when it's not quite so... fresh. Maybe then I'd think it was worth it."

Kyuuzou watched him for a moment. "Maybe," he agreed. "I'm sure Kambei wouldn't take pleasure in hurting you, or make the experience any more difficult than it had to be," he said.

Shifting uncomfortably, Katsushiro tried to remember how they'd gotten onto this subject after he'd said he didn't want to talk about it. "I doubt it will ever come up," he said softly. "He's refused to take me as a student this long, I don't see what would change his mind now. At least he's finally accepted me as a samurai."

Kyuuzou snorted softly. "You are his student, already. Why do you think he teaches you what it is to be a samurai, and decides whether you are or not?"

"Eh?" Katsushiro was startled by the idea. "But then why does he keep..." Well no, actually, he hadn't objected to Katsushiro calling him Sensei. Not since early on. Katsushiro had just assumed the older samurai had given up on trying to make him stop. "You really think he does?" The thought was immensely cheering to Katsushiro. That Shimada Kambei would think him worthy of being his student... Right then and there Katsushiro resolved that Kambei would never, ever find out about what had happened in that alley if Katsushiro had anything to say about it.

Kyuuzou shrugged. "I don't know, really," he said. "I just thought you were, from the first time I saw you together." Is this helping? He seems better...

I must be doing something right, then, Katsushiro thought happily. If he's accepted me as a student - even if he didn't say so - and now he's accepted me as one of the seven, as well. "Thank you," he said softly, more heartfelt than before.

Kyuuzou was utterly confused by now. The boy had gone from frightened and angry to happy - and very happy - within the span of a moment, and the samurai couldn't quite figure out why he was so happy. "You're welcome," he said automatically, peering at the boy. "You're feeling better now?" he asked doubtfully.

Wondering why the older samurai was looking at him so strangely, Katsushiro nodded. "Yes, thank you," he said politely. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he added on impulse, curious. Kyuuzou wasn't quite as intimidating once you'd spoken to him a little, Katsushiro decided. It was just that he was so intense, and so quiet, that he was hard to read and you could never quite be sure where you stood with him.

"I'm...just not sure what I said," Kyuuzou admitted quietly, still watching Katsushiro. "You seem very happy, and I don't know why."

"Ahhh... that's because you haven't been around long enough to see how hard I've been trying to get Kambei-dono to accept me as his student," Katsushiro admitted, blushing faintly. "He only just accepted me as one of his seven back in the Shikimoribito tunnels. Before that, I was essentially just a tagalong." Without thinking he reached down and touched the wound in his leg. It was healing, but it still hurt. He still wasn't entirely certain how getting himself shot had caused Kambei to deem him worthy of the title 'samurai', but he wasn't about to argue with the older man.

Kyuuzou's expression sharpened at the touch. "I see," he said. "I didn't know that." His legs were starting to stiffen from the position he was sitting in on the bed. It didn't look as though they were planning to sleep any time soon, but he stretched out on his stomach on the bed, his head turned to watch Katsushiro. Though the silver light of the moon was dim, the scars criss-crossing his back were visible to the younger man, some faint, others still angry and red. There were even two that were still scabbed, as though he had been struck with something so hard he bled. A whip.

The sight of the wounds startled Katsushiro. "What on earth?" he sat up, blinking in the dim light. Kyuuzou certainly hadn't gotten those in any fight Katsushiro had seen him in! They looked recent, though... the scabbed ones were even more recent than the scar on his neck that Kambei had given him, which was no more than an angry red line. At least they don't look infected, he noted with relief. He's cleaned them, or someone has.

Katsushiro could occasionally be naive, but he wasn't stupid. With all the information he'd already been given, he finally put two and two together. "It was him, wasn't it?" he blurted out, biting his lip. "The one you killed... Hyougo. Why didn't you kill him before?"

Kyuuzou flinched visibly. It hadn't occurred to him what the boy would see - no wonder, since he himself had never seen the damage his teacher had wrought. He raised himself up, his eyes growing cold. "He was my teacher," he said softly. "And he taught me that what he did was his right." His lips were pressed in a thin line. "At first, I believed him. And later, I didn't care. But I have killed him, now, and I wish I'd taken more time about it." And fuck you, if you think you'd have done better than I.

Katsushiro tried to imagine what it would be like, to have someone you looked up to and trusted betray you like that. To suffer, and look around one day and realize that everything you believed in had to be wrong, because if it wasn't, if what they'd told you was true, then the world was just too shitty a place to live in. "You must be very strong," was all he said, quietly. One brush with that sort of filth had stunned him badly. He couldn't imagine living in it for gods knew how many years.

Kyuuzou eyed him for a moment, frowning. "What do you mean?" he asked. If Katsushiro meant he was strong for getting out of the situation, that was ridiculous, he could have killed Hyougo years ago.

"Just..." Katsushiro gestured helplessly, not having the words to explain it properly. "To deal with all that, and not break under it. I'm not sure I could've."

Kyuuzou stared at him. "What makes you think I didn't break?" he asked, his voice and expression revealing nothing. He fully believed he had - why else would he have waited so long. It was only Kambei that had started to bring him out of it, give him desires of his own again. And when that had happened, he'd known he had to do something, or he'd lose what he'd gained once more.

And then he'd never have escaped.

"You're here. He's dead," Katsushiro explained simply. "And Sensei has a great deal of respect for you... which he wouldn't, if you were broken."

Kyuuzou shrugged, that small movement of his shoulders telling eloquently of his opinion. He turned onto his side, still watching the boy through the curtain of hair. "I was like you, once," he said softly. "More like you, anyway. Not anymore."

Slowly Katsushiro laid down again, facing him this time. The pale moonlight bleached the colour out of everything, leaving the older Samurai looking like a pale ghost. "Nobody stays the same forever," he said. "I admire you, as you are now. Sensei respects you."

The corners of Kyuuzou's lips lifted slightly. Why should I care that the child admires me? Or that Kambei respects me? he wondered, but nevertheless he felt something thawing inside him at the words. "You're right," he said softly. "Nobody stays the same forever." He reached out and fingered a lock of Katsushiro's fine green hair. Taken down to sleep, the long hair swept over the mattress, softening the boy's face and making him look even younger, more vulnerable. Kyuuzou's mind shied away from the thought of what the boy would look like in a few years if he were unlucky, his face scarred and roughened by war.

Katsushiro's eyes widened slightly as Kyuuzou reached out to touch his hair, and his breath caught in his throat. He had to fight an instinct to pull away, and he spared a moment to hope that particular result of the night's misfortunes wouldn't last long. He didn't want to be the sort of person who flinched away from touch, especially when it was from someone he trusted. And he did, he realized, trust Kyuuzou.

"What are you thinking?" he asked when the corners of the older man's eyes tightened and he frowned ever so slightly at Katsushiro. He's SO hard to read, but I think I'm slowly learning his signals... even if I don't understand what they mean.

"You're beautiful," Kyuuzou said softly. "I was thinking...it would be sad to see that die." He seemed to realize what he was doing and withdrew his hand.

Katsushiro blushed, a dark stain spreading over his cheeks in the silvery light. "I don't know, I don't think I'd be horribly sad to be a bit less beautiful," he said dryly. "It doesn't seem to have brought me any benefit."

"Every gift has its price," Kyuuzou murmured, his body shifting forward almost of its own accord. Stop it, he told himself. You don't want him, and he wants it even less. Leave him alone. He coloured slightly and looked away.

"In order for it to be a 'gift', it would have to have some benefit!" Katsushiro insisted, oblivious to Kyuuzou's thoughts. "I'd call it a curse, more like. You don't seem to think much of your own beauty, or why do you hide it like that?"

Kyuuzou flinched visibly. "Shut up," he snapped with real heat in his voice. "You don't know what you're talking about."

The sudden anger made Katsushiro pull away a bit, startled. "What?" he asked, confused. "What did I say?" That's a bit hypocritical of him... if he hates his own looks so much, why should I be appreciative of mine?

Kyuuzou clenched a fist, fighting for control. His hand trembled slightly. "Nothing," he said finally. "Maybe you're right." He looked up at Katsushiro again. "But it doesn't look like a curse on you."

"Well it certainly felt like one earlier tonight!" Katsushiro couldn't help but snap back, trembling again. He hugged his arms tight to his torso, trying again to forget the feeling of unwanted flesh against him, in him...

Before Kyuuzou realized he was about to do it, he reached out and pulled Katsushiro against him, his arms winding around him. The sound of remembered terror and self-loathing in Katsushiro's voice tore at him. No, don't be like me. DON'T!

The boy in his arms went very, very still, hardly even breathing. What is he doing? Katsushiro thought frantically. Why is he... he said he wouldn't... He felt the awkwardness of the embrace, realized Kyuuzou wasn't making any further moves to touch him beyond simply holding him, and finally it occurred to him that the older man was attempting to offer comfort.

Kyuuzou finally began to pull away, embarrassed by his own reaction and cursing himself for making Katsushiro uncomfortable. What made him think he had the right to touch him, anyway? It's not as though he had permission. What a ridiculous thing to do.

When he felt the older man start to pull away, even though that's really what Katsushiro had wanted, some instinctive part of him reacted in protest. Before he even realized what he was doing, his hand was clutching at Kyuuzou's arm, preventing him from moving farther away, and his face was buried in the older samurai's shoulder, his body trembling again as he fought the memories.

Kyuuzou froze in shock as Katsushiro grabbed him. After a long moment, he relaxed, putting his arms around the boy again and holding him comfortingly. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, just holding him and stroking his hair absently.

Oddly, Katsushiro found that the gentle caress did help. He felt like an utter child, clinging to a virtual stranger for support like this, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. "Thank you," he murmured into Kyuuzou's shoulder, then gave a shaky laugh as he pulled away slightly and wiped surreptitiously at his eyes. "I seem to be saying that a lot tonight."

"That's understandable," Kyuuzou said quietly. "I...apologize for grabbing you so suddenly."

"It's okay," Katsushiro assured him. "You just startled me, is all." Slowly some - though by no means all - of the tension drained from his body, allowing him to relax into the older man's arms. It felt... odd, this position. As if he were being coddled and protected, a feeling he usually hated, but at the moment it was making him feel safe. Kyuuzou had cut Kambei in a fair fight, which made him one of the best samurai Katsushiro had ever known. He'd rescued Katsushiro once already tonight, and would do it again if necessary. Perhaps he was justified in feeling safe.

"I know," Kyuuzou said softly, continuing to stroke his hair. Katsushiro's body was warm against his and he ignored his body's reaction resolutely, hoping that Katsushiro wouldn't notice.

Katsushiro shifted slightly, settling himself more comfortably in the older man's arms, and sighed. His breath feathered over Kyuuzou's shoulder and neck raising goose bumps and making Katsushiro smile slightly. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked quietly, releasing the death grip he'd still held on Kyuuzou's arm and tucking his hand between their chests instead.

"No," Kyuuzou replied, his voice a touch more breathless than usual. He doesn't know what he's doing. Just let him do what makes him feel safe.

Glancing up at the odd note in Kyuuzou's voice, Katsushiro saw a strange expression deep in the other man's eyes. It made him shiver, though not entirely in a bad way, even as it made him somewhat nervous. "I am making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" he guessed, frowning.

"No," Kyuuzou said again, more firmly this time. Uncomfortable isn't exactly the right word for it...

He doesn't seem like the type of person who would bother lying... certainly not about whether or not he wanted to be holding me! Katsushiro thought, his frown deepening slightly. "Then what is it?"

Kyuuzou eyed him for a few moments. Oh well. "You're arousing me," he said with a slight shrug. "It doesn't matter."

"I'm WHAT?" Katsushiro stared at him, shocked, eyes wide. That was the last thing he'd expected the other man to say.

Then reality kicked in. Kyuuzou was only human, obviously didn't have any objection to male lovers, and had a barely-clothed boy pressed against his half-naked body. And Katsushiro already knew the older man thought he was beautiful. Blushing furiously, he wondered why the knowledge didn't make him anxious to get away. Shouldn't it? Considering what had happened to him earlier that night... but Kyuuzou would never force him. And anyway, if he'd been going to try anything he'd have done it already, and he certainly wouldn't have ADMITTED it!

"You're arousing me," Kyuuzou repeated calmly, wondering much the same thing that Katsushiro was. Why isn't he pulling away?

"Oh," Katsushiro acknowledged in a small voice. Now what do I say? 'That's nice'? 'Sorry, didn't mean to'? He had no idea what the protocol was for a situation like this.

Kyuuzou didn't expect Katsushiro to say anything, but the small voice gave him pause. "It's OK," he said, trying to reassure him. "I told you I wouldn't do anything, and I won't."

"If I thought you would, I'd be fighting you right now," Katsushiro assured him dryly, his voice gaining a little strength. "I just... wasn't sure how to respond to that. I've never been in this position before." Except earlier that night, but that was different, and he wasn't thinking about that anyway. Really, he wasn't.

"Me neither," Kyuuzou agreed. He shrugged. "You don't have to respond to it. It's simply a fact."

Katsushiro just looked at him, bemused. "You are without a doubt one of the oddest people I've ever met," he informed the older man. "But I'm very glad I met you."

Kyuuzou gave him a confused look. "Why are you so glad?" He didn't bother to contest the idea that he was odd.

"Well, for starters, because you saved me earlier," Katsushiro reminded him. "And because... well... I don't think any of the others would have done this." He settled his head on the strong shoulder once more. Then he laughed softly. "Then again, if anyone had asked me, I would've said I didn't think you would ever do something like this, so I suppose I don't really know what they would do, either."

"I can think of a few of them more likely to do this than I am," Kyuuzou said. "And all of them would have saved you." He shifted onto his back, pulling Katsushiro with him until he was resting against his chest.

This position caused them to be pressed more closely together, with Katsushiro on his side and practically wound around Kyuuzou's much larger frame. The proximity caused Katsushiro to become aware that he wasn't entirely immune to the effects of their embrace either... his body was reacting, a bit sluggishly but reacting all the same. Blushing again he shifted, drawing away from the older man slightly, though he kept his head where it was and rested his hand hesitantly on Kyuuzou's chest.

Kyuuzou's eyes shifted towards him curiously. "What's wrong?" he asked.

This time Katsushiro's blush was clearly visible despite the pale light. "N-nothing," he stammered, flustered. Then he chided himself. Kyuuzou had been honest, why couldn't Katsushiro do the same? "My body's... reacting, to the situation and the conversation, I guess," he admitted reluctantly.

"Oh." Suddenly Kyuuzou understood some of why Katsushiro had said the same thing, in the same situation. "Well, that's all right," he said finally. At this rate, I might HAVE to leave the room. At least for a while, he thought ruefully.

Katsushiro couldn't help but laugh to hear his own earlier thoughts and words now echoed by the older man. "We seem to be good at leaving ourselves in awkward situations where neither of us has any idea what to say," he commented lightly. "This is at least the second time tonight."

Kyuuzou smiled, the barest hint of it reaching his lips. "I wonder what that could mean," he said.

"Probably just an indication of the fact that we're discussing awkward subjects," Katsushiro replied. Then he added wryly, "And that I'm easily flustered, and you don't say much to start with." He was relaxing again... Kyuuzou knew, which meant he didn't have to strain quite so hard to hide his reaction, so he was able to stop worrying about accidentally brushing against the older man.

Kyuuzou nodded. "Probably." His mind was filling quickly with images of what he might do now that he knew that Katsushiro also wanted him, but he shoved them away stubbornly. Just because the boy's BODY wanted it meant nothing, as he well knew. He found himself staring at Katsushiro's lips and looked away, settling back onto the pillow and glaring up at the ceiling.

Knowing what he did about the state Kyuuzou was in, seeing the older man staring at his lips made Katsushiro's heartbeat pick up a little, and a nervous sort of warmth filled him. He was actually disappointed when Kyuuzou looked away, and he chided himself. You shouldn't be thinking about this. You certainly shouldn't be enjoying it! No wait, that wasn't right... he should be enjoying it, shouldn't he? Wasn't that kind of the point? He shouldn't be letting what had happened earlier keep him from liking this sort of thing. Now it was his turn to catch himself staring at Kyuuzou.

Kyuuzou's eyes finally shifted to Katsushiro as he felt the boy staring at him. He looked at him for a moment through narrowed eyes. "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked finally.

The nervous warmth blossomed into a whole horde of fiery butterflies, and Katsushiro shivered slightly. No, that would be a very bad idea, given the circumstances, he thought regretfully. "Um. Yes."

Wait. That wasn't what he'd meant to say!

Kyuuzou nodded. He hadn't expected a positive reply either, but he certainly had no problem with fulfilling the desire. He turned onto his side again, capturing Katsushiro's lips in a deep kiss.

Kyuuzou reacted to his words before Katsushiro could think to retract them, or protest that he hadn't meant to say that. A moment later, he no longer wanted to take it back, as he was drowning in pleasant sensations and the last thing he wanted Kyuuzou to do was stop.

Why isn't this frightening me? he wondered. Surely he hadn't recovered from what had happened so easily... Maybe because they didn't do this? So this isn't tainted, at least... Either way, he decided he was going to stop thinking about it for a while and just react to what was happening.

Kyuuzou was a little surprised that it wasn't making Katsushiro nervous, too, but so long as the boy didn't object, he was perfectly prepared to follow through. He'd never done this with anyone but Hyougo and the odd...other that he tried not to think about. This time, with him in control, it would be different.

If it weren't pleasurable, Ukyou wouldn't spend so much time fucking, right? So he'd make sure it was, this time. He was pretty sure he knew how to do that.

He deepened the kiss, swiping his tongue across Katsushiro's lips, his hand sliding into his hair and holding his head steady as he devoured his lips.

Katsushiro shivered and moaned under the contact, but opened his mouth willingly, his own hands rising to lock around the back of the taller man's neck. Oh, but it felt good, melting and shivery, like hot liquid pouring down his spine to pool in his gut. I shouldn't be doing this, he thought hazily through the pleasure. I'm leading him on... I'll get him - both of us! - worked up, and then freak out and it's not right, it's not fair to him... just another moment, and I'll stop him...

Kyuuzou had no such reservations. If Katsushiro freaked out, he'd stop. If necessary, he'd go back to the bathing room for a few minutes so they both had some time to calm down. His tongue slid into Katsushiro's mouth as his free hand began to wander, sliding down the boy's side.

If the touch had been lighter it might have tickled; as it was it just seemed to set Katsushiro's nerves afire, even as part of him flinched from the intimate gesture. He inched closer, lest Kyuuzou get the wrong idea from that involuntary flinch. He wondered what the touch would feel like without the thin cotton shirt between his skin and Kyuuzou's hand, and shivered again. His own hand wandered hesitantly, calloused fingertips tracing over the strongly delineated muscle of the older man's chest.

Emboldened by Katsushiro's touch, Kyuuzou slipped his fingers under the soft cotton shirt, sliding over the smooth skin. This is...nice, he thought, a little surprised by how much he was enjoying this. The simple, pleasurable touches were exciting him more than he'd thought possible.

Katsushiro moaned at the touch and shifted to try to relieve some of the pressure on the front of his pants. It didn't work, much to his dismay. Suddenly he envied Kyuuzou's mostly undressed state. This is... completely different, he realized, not at all displeased by the discovery. Nothing at all like what they were doing... and a million times better. All but purring in pleasure, he allowed his hand to grow more bold, sliding harder over smooth muscle and seeking out places that would make Kyuuzou react.

Kyuuzou was silent, though his breathing deepened and roughened as Katsushiro continued to explore. As the younger man brushed over a hardened nipple, however, he drew in a breath, almost a gasp. His own hand counterattacked, taking hold of a nipple and rolling it between his fingers.

Katsushiro flinched at the sudden sharp sensation and almost protested, but then the pleasure hit him and he whimpered instead. Okay, maybe there was no need to protest that. He copied Kyuuzou's actions instead, figuring the best way to know what would feel good would be to do what was already working on him.

Kyuuzou made a soft noise in the back of his throat. When Katsushiro had made the whimpering noise, he'd realized that by making noise, he was telling him what he liked. Kyuuzou should return the favour - after all, he didn't have anyone telling him to shut up if he made a noise now. He pushed Katsushiro's shirt up and pulled out of the kiss, dropping his head to suckle on the neglected nipple.

That made Katsushiro gasp and cry out softly, squirming in pleasure beneath the onslaught of lips and tongue. No, definitely no need to protest, none at all. And Kyuuzou was reacting now - softly, true, but Katsushiro doubted this man would ever do anything that could be describe as other than 'quiet'. Since it was now awkward for him to reach the other samurai's chest, he trailed his hands over the scarred back instead, supple fingers digging into tense muscles and soothing them, careful to avoid the still raw weals left by the recent abuse.

Kyuuzou stiffened at the first touch to his back, then began to relax, even uttering a soft groan as Katsushiro found an especially nasty knot in his shoulder. He shifted downwards, his mouth drifting over Katsushiro's stomach until he reached the waistband of his pants. He hesitated, wondering if he were going too fast.

Katsushiro was trembling as Kyuuzou moved downwards, as much from nerves as anticipation. He's not going to... surely not. Is he? Why would he want to? The memory of hard, warm flesh forced into his mouth turned the tremble into a shudder. He knew men enjoyed having it done to them, but who would ever enjoy doing it? That was the sort of thing whores were paid for, wasn't it? Or people were forced into doing, like Katsushiro had been.

He threaded his fingers through the wiry blond hair, half a caress and half a protest. "You... you don't have to do that," he said, his voice breathy with desire and a touch of fear. "I'd never ask you to do something that awful."

Kyuuzou glanced up at him with a frown of confusion. "What's awful?" he asked. True, he hadn't much enjoyed it when Hyougo had forced him to do the same thing, but he was curious whether it - like everything else, it seemed - would be different with Katsushiro. From his limited experience, he had a strong feeling it would be.

"Doing... that," Katsushiro replied uncertainly, looking down into dark eyes, his own full of confusion and hesitation. Beneath that however, desire burned strong. "With your mouth. That can't be... enjoyable. For you, I mean."

Kyuuzou shrugged, pulling Katsushiro's pants enough to free the erection inside. "Let's find out," he said, then opened his mouth and engulfed the entire length. His gag reflex eradicated long ago, he plunged his head downwards until the tip prodded at the back of his throat, then swallowed around it deliberately.

Katsushiro writhed beneath him at the sudden hot wetness engulfing him, and just barely remembered to clamp a hand over his mouth before he screamed in shock and pleasure. The walls were thin, and the last thing he wanted right now was Rikichi to burst in wondering what was wrong. Or worse, the innkeeper.

His other hand tightened slightly in Kyuuzou's hair, not enough to hurt, more to help anchor Katsushiro to some part of the real world. Whimpering now behind his hand, he fought the urge to thrust up into the older man's mouth, watching Kyuuzou's face with his eyes half closed and glazed with utter pleasure. Oh, PLEASE don't let him decide it's awful after all, he thought, a little incoherently. Please please please...

Kyuuzou paused as the hand tightened in his hair, but when the savage pull his mind half expected didn't come, he relaxed and continued. His eyes sliding shut, he concentrated on using every technique he'd ever learned to pleasure Katsushiro. He was pleased that the boy was keeping quiet, but even if he started screaming, he wasn't sure if he'd care. After all, they WERE in an inn that was half-brothel, anyway.

It was hard to keep your hand over your mouth to stifle your screams when you also desperately needed to gasp for air, Katsushiro was discovering. His whole body was shuddering, filled to the brim with sensation until it felt as if it would surely spill out of him in some physical fashion. The human body just wasn't made to hold that much pleasure, he was certain of it.

He knew what was coming - he wasn't that young or naive. He'd experienced it at his own hands, but never like this. Never anything like this. "Kyuuzou-dono," he choked out, somehow feeling he should warn the older man. As if it weren't blatantly obvious by the way his muscles were winding tighter than the string of a cocked crossbow. "I... I... oh gods..."

Kyuuzou just hummed deep in his throat, the vibration shattering the last of Katsushiro's control. As the fluid flooded into his mouth, he swallowed it easily. Hmm, not bad. Without the violence he associated with it, this was actually somewhat pleasurable. Certainly the noises Katsushiro was making were interesting.

Katsushiro would have screamed, but he couldn't seem to draw enough air into his lungs to do breathe, let alone make noise. Nor did he particularly care, not at that moment. His body arched, hips pressing up against Kyuuzou, spine bowed right off the bed as he came. When the tension finally released he collapsed again, gasping and panting, shaking fingers running gently through Kyuuzou's hair in the only expression of appreciation he was capable of making at that moment.

The blond lifted his head, the softening cock falling from his mouth with an audible popping sound. He licked his lips of the last traces of Katsushiro's seed, watching the boy. The gentle stroking was surprisingly pleasing and he found himself almost...smiling.

"That... that was amazing," Katsushiro said softly, his voice hoarse from the screams he'd been stifling. "Absolutely... I can't move," he discovered, his voice taking on overtones of amusement and dismay. He laughed, the sound a little shaky. "I feel like my muscles have turned to water."

Despite his own satiation, his eyes still burned with desire. He wanted to make Kyuuzou feel as good as he did, though given the relative levels of their experience, he'd settle for making him feel half as good. It would still be mind-blowing. All thoughts of fear were forgotten in the face of the overwhelming pleasure Kyuuzou had gifted him with.

Kyuuzou moved upwards, stretching out next to him. His own erection pressed painfully against the fabric of his underwear. He wasn't sure what to expect now. Taking the boy would be wrong - not only did they lack lubricant, he wasn't sure Katsushiro would be ready for it, so soon after his experience. He refused to turn this into a terrifying experience for the sake of his own pleasure. I'm sure an alternative will present itself, he thought.

Katsushiro engaged him in a deep kiss the moment Kyuuzou was close enough, trying to communicate all of the confused emotions that were boiling up within him. As control returned to his limbs he slid his hands down, no longer hesitant or afraid. He didn't think he could bear to return the favour properly - thinking of putting that in his mouth still triggered fear and disgust rather than any sort of anticipation. But he could touch, and bring pleasure that way. And maybe over time - were they going to do this again? - maybe he would be able to work his way up to more.

His fingers fumbled at the waist of Kyuuzou's underwear, tugging impatiently. "Mmmm... help me, please," he asked as he tore his mouth away. He felt a little odd, asking the older man to be naked when he himself was still more or less dressed, but at the moment he didn't care.

Kyuuzou nodded, his body almost vibrating with the anticipation of release. He rose to his feet and removed his underwear, his cock standing proudly away from his body as he turned to return to the bed. "You're still beautiful," he remarked, brushing a thumb over Katsushiro's kiss-swollen lips.

Katsushiro's breath caught again at the sight of him standing there, proud and unashamed, and utterly beautiful. He says I'm beautiful? I may be pretty, but he has strength and grace and experience to go with the merely physical beauty. He's breathtaking.

Reaching forward with hands that shook only a little, and most of that from anticipation, he wrapped slender fingers around that proud cock, marvelling at the silky feel of the skin there. It wasn't that dissimilar from his own, and yet it was entirely different. "Beautiful," the word slipped from his lips without him even being aware of it, his tone reverent.

Kyuuzou drew in a sharp breath, more from the tone of Katsushiro's voice and the look in his eyes than from the touch. For once, he didn't feel afraid when someone said the hated word, or want to hide. "Thank you," he whispered, sliding his fingers into Katsushiro's hair and caressing him.

The younger boy tilted his head into the caress, revelling in the feel of gentle fingers against his scalp, coming through his long hair. Leaning forward, he rested his cheek against Kyuuzou's hip, eyes fastened on his hand wrapped around that strong cock, fascinated. He didn't think he could bring himself to touch his lips to it, not yet, but he wanted to SEE, and he figured having his breath brush over it probably wouldn't hurt. Slowly he moved his hand up and down, listening and waiting for Kyuuzou's reactions to guide him in pace and strength.

Kyuuzou's reactions were subtle, but he did his best to try to encourage Katsushiro, and guide him in what to do. He kept having to remind himself not to be so silent, to make noise and to relax into the sensations and enjoy them.

Katsushiro could feel the strong muscles in Kyuuzou's thighs tensing, and the quivering in the older man's abdomen under the boy's cheek was as much a signal as any of the almost non-existent noises Kyuuzou was making.

He stroked faster, harder, a thin stream of precum lubricating the motions of his hand and making it easier for both of the. Katsushiro shivered in pleasure when he rubbed his thumb over the tip of Kyuuzou's cock and the older man gave a slightly louder moan. I wonder what it would take to make him scream the way I was earlier? he wondered absently, speeding his pace more. Probably more than I'm capable of doing, at least right now. Maybe someday...

Kyuuzou's hand shot out abruptly, grabbing the headboard. He was on his knees on the bed, his whole body trembling at the sensations. No sooner had he grabbed for purchase, but he groaned aloud as he orgasmed. Warm, sticky semen shot from him and splashed over Katsushiro's shirt. The soft groan was the only sound he made, though he shook visibly as ecstasy pounded through him.

His own breathing more than a little fast, Katsushiro kept moving his hand until it seemed Kyuuzou was completely done. Then, hesitantly, he brought his fingers to his mouth, licking at the white globs of semen coating them. He made a face at the taste, and laughed softly. "Ugh. How did you manage to swallow mine without gagging?" He stripped his shirt off, since it was dirty anyway, and used the sleeves to clean Kyuuzou's body.

"Practice," Kyuuzou said, his breathing still rough and rapid after the orgasm. "I gagged at first," he added. He searched Katsushiro's face. "Are you all right?"

Katsushiro looked back up at him, his green eyes clear and trusting. "Wonderful," he said softly, smiling gently. Reaching up, he put his hand on the taller man's shoulder and tugged him down, guiding them both back down onto the bed. Tossing his soiled shirt over the side of the mattress, he squirmed out of his undone pants as well, leaving him only in his smallclothes. "Better than wonderful," he added with a tired but pleased sigh.

Kyuuzou gave Katsushiro another of those almost-smiles, just the corners of his mouth turning upwards. "I'm glad," he said, settling down to the bed and winding his arms around the boy. "It was...good for me, too. I wasn't sure if what I'd heard was true until now."

Katsushiro snuggled happily into the crook of the older man's shoulder, his entire body filled with a pleasant lassitude. He might have felt awkward about this urge to cuddle up, except that Kyuuzou had started it by embracing him, so he felt safe enough to press close. "Now I'm really glad it was you here with me," he said softly, closing his eyes with a sigh. "I really doubt any of the others would have... done something like this. And I think maybe it was exactly what I needed, to keep me from becoming scared of all of it."

Kyuuzou smiled again. "I know what you mean," he whispered. "It's better for me, too." He closed his own eyes, amazed at how nice it felt to be snuggled up to a warm body. Safe and comfortable. He felt almost as though he could stay here forever.

Katsushiro was silent for a long moment, long enough that Kyuuzou might have suspected the younger man of falling asleep if not for the still quick pattern of his breathing. "Kyuuzou-dono?" the boy finally said, his voice quiet in the dim room. "Can we... do this again sometime?" He couldn't believe he actually had the nerve to ask, but... well, they were heading into what many believed was a hopeless battle. Why not take pleasure where they could find it?

Kyuuzou's breath caught in his throat. He'd hoped, if he broached the subject again at a later date, that Katsushiro would be receptive, but he hadn't expected the boy to ASK. "I'd like that," he said finally.

"Oh, good." The relief was evident in the boy's voice, and Kyuuzou could feel him smile against his chest. "Should we keep it hidden, though? I have no idea how the others would feel about it..." He wasn't entirely certain he could hide it from some of them... Kambei and Gorobei in particular were uncannily perceptive sometimes.

Kyuuzou hesitated. He still felt strongly as though he were poaching on Kambei's territory, and wasn't at all certain how the rest of the group would react to all of this. Many of them still thought of him as an enemy - with good reason. Kirara, in particular, would turn them all against him if she knew he was defiling her beloved young knight. "I...would prefer to keep it private, if possible," he said finally.

Katsushiro nodded quietly against Kyuuzou's chest. "Probably for the best," he agreed, tightening his hold on the older man's torso briefly. "We've got a few days, at least, before we rejoin the others at that wing rock Kirara-dono described." Hopefully by then, the fascinating newness of the whole thing would have worn off - Katsushiro had the feeling it was going to be hard to keep himself from glancing constantly at Kyuuzou tomorrow. And unfortunately he was very bad at keeping his thoughts off his face - Rikichi would probably wonder what the hell was going through his mind all day.

Kyuuzou nodded. Maybe he'll have tired of me by then, he thought, feeling an unexpected twist of pain at the thought. Despite the possible consequences, I hope not. "Good night...Katsushiro," he whispered.

"Goodnight... Kyuuzou," Katsushiro replied, a little shyly. He'd have to remember to continue using the honourific around the others, or it would seem strange that Kyuuzou was the only one he didn't address that way. But here, in the intimate darkness, it just felt a little wrong.

Smiling softly, at least on the inside, Kyuuzou allowed himself to fall into a doze. Dreams, for once, were kept at bay by the comforting warmth pressed against him.

|Part 1| |Part 2| |Part 3| |Part 4| |Part 5| |Part 6| |Part 7| |Part 8|

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