The Problem
(or 'How to Render Hakkai Speechless)

Gokuu had a Problem.

He sat on a rock near the river, nyoibou in hand, listening to the sound of cursing and splashing behind him as Sanzou took a bath in the ice-cold water. After fighting through no less than three youkai ambushes on the road today, the monk had unilaterally declared first dibs on a bath once they made camp. That was fine with Gokuu... he hadn't even worked up a sweat, and judging by the muffled yelps and curses from Sanzou, the bath wasn't really all that much fun.

Besides, he needed to figure out what to do about his Problem. He shifted on the rock, glaring down at his hapless nyoibou, trying to get comfortable. Ahead in the clearing, he could see Hakkai and Gojyou, setting up the shelter and getting a fire started. Soon Hakkai would start to cook dinner... Gokuu's mouth watered at the thought. Hakkai was a good cook, even when he didn't have much to work with.

Abruptly Gokuu brightened. Hakkai! Obviously, he needed to talk to Hakkai about his Problem. Hakkai could fix anything. He'd know what to do. Twisting in place, Gokuu gazed through the heavy foliage towards the river. "Oi, Sanzou!" he called, trying to spot some sign of the monk. The splashing had stopped a few moments before, and the water prevented Gokuu from finding the man by smell. "Sanzou! You almost done?"

A crunch as Sanzou stepped on a twig was Gokuu's only warning before the man appeared before him. He was dressed only in his jeans, black undershirt and black arm warmers, carrying his robes and sutra slung over one arm. The robes looked like they had been washed as well, and Sanzou's hair was still slicked back and damp. Gokuu stared at him, feeling an odd twisting sensation in his stomach. Sanzou looked... he looked...

WHAP!

"What the hell are you staring at, bakazaru?" Sanzou demanded, brandishing his fan in readiness for another strike. Gokuu raised his hands to shield his head, giving Sanzou an apologetic look.

"Wari, Sanzou. I'm not feeling very well. I'm gonna go talk to Hakkai, okay?"

Sanzou gave him an irritated look. "Do what you like. Why the hell should I care whether you talk to Hakkai? I didn't ask you to guard me in the first place."

Gokuu shrugged and slid off his rock. "I know. But you can't keep your gun on you while you bathe, so I thought I'd watch out for you." He gave his best disarming grin, the one that worked on everyone except Sanzou, and scampered off before the monk could hit him again.

Hakkai had gotten the fire going and was busy cooking dinner by the time Gokuu bounded back into the camp. All thoughts of his Problem were promptly forgotten as Gokuu danced around the firepit, impatiently waiting for the food to be ready so he could snatch his share before Gojyou stole it from him. He was so hungry! Well, that was nothing new, admittedly, but still. Why did food have to take so damn long to cook, anyway?

Hakkai laughed at him, but obligingly handed over his bowl, and Gokuu collapsed down against a rock and started inhaling. Halfway through his third serving - just as he was getting started, by his standards - he happened to glance up over the rim of the bowl. Sanzou was leaning back against another rock, empty bowl beside him, cigarette dangling from his lips. His robe was hanging from a bush behind him, the drapes of the golden fabric providing a startling contrast to his tight black shirt and arm warmers. His head was tilted back, droopy violet eyes staring at the stars, and he looked...

Gokuu dropped his bowl as that strange twisting sensation stabbed at his gut again. He wrenched his eyes from Sanzou's reclining form and glared down at his dinner as though it were somehow at fault for his Problem. Hakkai, ever sensitive to any incongruity among his companions, glanced over at him with a worried frown.

"What's wrong, Gokuu? You're not eating."

"Not hungry," Gokuu muttered, still frowning at his bowl. The odd feeling in his stomach was just contributing to the Problem, and it didn't seem to be leaving any room for food.

Gojyou all but facevaulted, and Hakkai stared at him in disbelief. Even Sanzou raised a sardonic eyebrow, eyeing Gokuu with what might have been called 'concern' were he anyone but Sanzou. "Oi, the ape's not hungry? The world must be coming to an end," Gojyou joked, but there was a hint of worry in his voice.

"Are you not feeling well, Gokuu?" Hakkai asked, tilting his head to one side and studying the smaller youkai intently. Gokuu nodded half-heartedly.

"Aa. Ne, Hakkai? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Hakkai blinked twice at him, then rose to his feet in a graceful motion, holding out his hand to Gokuu. "Of course, Gokuu. Shall we just step out of the firelight, then?"

Gokuu accepted his help, which caused everyone to raise their eyebrows at him again - normally he just bounced up on his own, offered hand or no offered hand. He led the way into the darkness, going back to the smaller clearing by the river with the rock he'd sat on earlier.

Gokuu seated himself there again, while Hakkai stood a few feet away, his normal cheery face somewhat disturbed by his concern. "What is it, Gokuu?" the other man asked, moonlight silvering his features and flashing off his monocle.

Gokuu shifted uncomfortably. "I... I have this swelling," he muttered, feeling oddly embarrassed. "And my stomach feels weird."

Hakkai would have frowned, if he'd been anyone but Hakkai. Instead his smile got a bit strained, and his eyes narrowed. "Were you injured in the fight? Maybe you pulled a muscle?" he offered thoughtfully.

Gokuu shook his head. "Nah. It's been going on for a while now. And it's not like an injury... it goes away sometimes, and then comes back again. I dunno why." He scowled. "It's interfering with eating! That sucks. But I never get sick, so that can't be it, right?"

Closing his eyes, Hakkai considered the matter for a moment. "Does the swelling hurt? Is it itchy? It could be an allergy of some kind, perhaps."

Fidgeting, Gokuu thought about it. "It doesn't itch. It does hurt sometimes, but I think that's 'cause my pants rub against it and it gets sensitive." An allergy? He tried to remember if there had been anything he'd eaten or been near that could have caused the Problem. The only common thread was that it seemed to kick in a lot when he was around Sanzou... he couldn't be allergic to Sanzou! Could he?

"Where does the swelling appear?" Hakkai wanted to know. Gokuu gestured, and although it was hard to tell in the pale moonlight, he thought the other man turned red. Hakkai made a strangled noise that sounded somewhat like a cough and a bit like a laugh, and hastily covered his mouth with his hand.

"Oi, Hakkai! Daijoubu?" Gokuu asked, concerned. He'd never seen Hakkai look like that before. Was he having a seizure or something? "Should I get Sanzou and Gojyou?"

"No!" Hakkai almost shouted, then repeated in a much more normal tone of voice, "No, Gokuu, that's okay. I'm sorry, I'm fine now. You just... startled me." He coughed again, then his face resumed its ordinary cheerful appearance, though there was still a hint of red staining his cheeks. "Let me see if I understand you properly. You sometimes get a... *ahem* swelling in your... er... groin? Accompanied by an odd feeling in your stomach?" Gokuu nodded, not sure whether to be worried or relieved that Hakkai seemed to know what the Problem was. "Does it happen often in the mornings?" Gokuu nodded again, and Hakkai sighed.

"Maa, maa! It's nothing to be concerned about, Gokuu. You're just growing up, that's all."

Gokuu frowned. "That's stupid, Hakkai. Why would growing up make me feel sick? Anyway, Sanzou said I probably won't age, since I've looked like this as long as I have." Hakkai laughed, and reached out to ruffle his hair.

"Perhaps you won't age, but you can still mature, I suppose. What you're experiencing is a natural reaction. You'll get used to it, don't worry." Hakkai gave him his brightest smile, and for once it actually reached his eyes. "I expect you'll even come to enjoy it, given some time."

Gokuu let out a huge sigh of relief. "Then, I'm not allergic to Sanzou? Yokatta!"

Hakkai choked again. "Sanzou? What does Sanzou have to do with it?" Gokuu shrugged.

"It almost always happens when Sanzou's around. Especially when he takes his robes off." Gokuu raised guileless eyes to his friend. "Is that a bad thing, Hakkai?"

Hakkai shook his head, wiping a hand across his face as though to clear away the red on his cheeks. "No, I suppose not. But, Gokuu... I wouldn't mention it to Sanzou, if I were you."

"Hai!" Feeling much better now that the Problem wasn't a Problem anymore, Gokuu bounced up from his rock. "Ne, was there any food left? I'm hungry!" Hakkai nodded and gestured in the direction of the fire, and Gokuu raced to get there before Gojyou ate it all. Enjoy it, huh? He didn't see how that would be possible, but Hakkai had never lied to him before. Well, he'd just have to wait and see!

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