Chapter 19

It felt a little odd, walking onto the Hyoutei High grounds. It wasn't all that far from the middle school, but Ohtori had never been there before. He didn't actually know where the tennis courts were, but it was a pretty safe bet that they'd be in the back of the building so that was the direction he headed in.

He got more than one double take from passing students on their way home after club activities. His height made him look old enough to be a high school student, he knew, but his uniform clearly marked him as a member of the affiliated junior high. He couldn't help but smile to himself at their startled looks.

The sound of balls against racquets soon told him he was going in the right direction, and he rounded a corner to see several well-maintained courts in an enclosure. Literally hundreds of students were practicing either playing matches or doing drills or just running laps. The familiar Hyoutei colours dominated, although the high school jerseys were designed differently. And, of course, the fan contingent was strongly represented, flocks of girls (and not a few boys) crowded around the fences and squealing among themselves.

Looking around, Ohtori could see the signs of recent construction. A building that looked suspiciously newer than everything else stood off to one side, and he laughed to see it. He didn't need three guesses to figure out what it was; Atobe wasn't one to allow himself to languish in 'lesser' facilities when he could simply spend a great deal of money to improve his surroundings.

And really, in the end it benefited the whole team. They'd certainly made good use of the new clubhouse Atobe and Sakaki had built at the junior high, and presumably it was still being made good use of even though Atobe was no longer there.

Making his way to the fringes of the crowd of observers, Ohtori glanced around the courts for anyone familiar. He saw several boys he recognized as having been seniors in the club when he was on the team, but none of the other former Regulars.

He got even more odd glances from this crowd, but he just smiled sweetly at anyone who looked at him strangely. Finally he spotted a familiar blue cap, and wormed his way through the crowd.

Shishido saw him coming before Ohtori was close enough to call out without raising his voice too much. "Choutarou!" he exclaimed, giving him a baffled grin. "What the hell are you doing here? We don't even have a session with the coach tonight, do we?" They had training sessions with their new coach on weekends and two weeknights, usually later in the evening so it wouldn't conflict with the tennis club for Shishido. While they sometimes would get together just to hang out on the nights they weren't training, they usually made plans for it ahead of time.

"No, but I've been wanting to come see the high school team and I figured now was as good a day as any." Ohtori smiled back at him and leaned in against the fence, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "Besides... in all honesty, I just had to see Atobe-san chasing balls after you told me about it last weekend."

Laughing, Shishido jerked his head in the direction of one of the other courts. "Over there. He tends to just stand around 'directing' if he can get away with it, but you're in luck. Some of the seniors made him actually do his fair share today."

Glancing over, Ohtori had to cough to hide an extremely amused laugh as he caught sight of their former captain. Like all the other freshmen Atobe was dressed in a gym uniform rather than the club jersey they hadn't yet 'earned', and he looked a bit disgruntled as he gathered up balls from the side of the court to return to the upperclassmen.

There really was something just... refreshing about seeing arguably one of the most arrogant players ever to grace Hyoutei Gakuen's courts being forced to perform the menial chores expected of a freshman. Just as in the junior high club, freshmen weren't allowed to actually play in the beginning of the year. "I have to admit I'm a little surprised he didn't bribe his way into being allowed to try out for the team," Ohtori said, chuckling softly.

"What makes you think he didn't try?" Shishido countered with a grin, gesturing at the new clubhouse. "This coach isn't as easily swayed as Sakaki was. He said Atobe could stand to wait at least one term with the rest of us before playing, and that it would probably do him some good not to be the centre of attention for a while."

"I bet that didn't go over well," Ohtori commented, and Shishido laughed again.

"You don't know the half of it. I'm just glad the term will be over soon. If we had to deal with him stalking around growling at everyone much longer, somebody was going to end up in deep shit. He's not real good at being subservient to his senpai, if you know what I mean."

"No, I wouldn't imagine he would be," Ohtori agreed, almost strangling on his laughter. "For once I'm glad I'm not in your year. I bet he's difficult to deal with right now."

"Hey, Shishido-kun!" someone in a jersey shouted before his partner could answer him. "Quit slacking off and get back to work, we need more balls over here."

His back still to the older boy, Shishido rolled his eyes and Ohtori stifled another giggle. "Yes, senpai," Shishido called back, not sounding terribly pleased by the order. "Look, practice gets out pretty soon, why don't you just stick around?" he said quickly to Ohtori. "You're here anyway. I'm sure the others wouldn't mind seeing you either."

"I was planning on it," Ohtori assured him. "Go on, before you get in trouble."

Shishido turned and jogged off to help the senior who had called him, and Ohtori found a spot on the crowded bleachers. Looking out over the courts, he picked out the rest of his former teammates. There was Mukahi's flash of brightly dyed hair, over to the left; the small freshman was trotting around distributing water bottles. Not far from him Oshitari was with another group of first-years doing racquet drills. And... he looked again, searching for the familiar mop of curls. Yes, there was Jirou, sound asleep on a bench. Nobody seemed to be trying to wake him to perform his duties; apparently they'd already learned the futility of trying in the months since the new school year had started.

So strange, to see them all in gym clothes instead of a uniform. Stranger still to see them doing first-year tasks rather than training with the Regulars. They had all been sub-Regulars at the very least when Ohtori had first joined the club in junior high as a freshman himself, so he had never before seen any of them in this position.

As Shishido had said it wasn't too long before the captain declared the practice over, and the juniors and seniors began to stream towards the clubhouse. The freshmen of course had to remain until the courts were clean and the nets tended to, but the main press of people was gone. Most of the observers left as well once the team members had vanished into the new Regulars clubhouse, leaving Ohtori more or less alone on the bleachers.

"Hey, Ohtori!" Mukahi called, spotting him. "Come to make fun of us, huh? Your time will come! You're gonna have to go through this next year too, same as the rest of us. Yuushi, you owe me twenty bucks. I told you he'd show up sooner or later."

"I don't recall ever disagreeing with you Gakuto, much less betting on it," the tensai said in amusement. "Frankly I'm surprised it took him this long."

"You're assuming that I'm planning to join the tennis club, Mukahi-san," Ohtori replied, standing and moving back to the fence so they could talk more easily. When the acrobatics specialist boggled at him, he couldn't help but laugh. "This coach isn't also the music teacher," he reminded the older boy. "I doubt I'll be lucky enough that the orchestra and tennis practices wouldn't overlap. Besides, with all the extra training I'm doing with Ryou, I don't think I'm going to have time for two clubs and my homework besides."

"Aw, but then we won't get to play with you!" Jirou protested around a huge yawn, wandering up to them and rubbing sleepily at his eyes. His hair and the top of his shirt were wet - apparently someone had woken him by emptying one of the water bottles over his head. "And who's Shishido going to play with?"

"Shishido isn't going to play with anyone," the boy in question growled as he dumped his full ball basket next to the others and joined them. "I'm playing singles again. No way in hell I'm messing up our combination by trying to play with someone else. Not when we're doing this well."

"Yes, I'd heard the two of you had been getting good results in the independent tournaments." Oshitari commented. "Congratulations, by the way. If you make it to the finals in the next one, which I'm quite certain you will, we should all go to cheer you on."

"Should we organize an orchestrated chant like Atobe had?" Ohtori asked, grinning. "Instead of 'Hyoutei' and 'Atobe', we could just change it to 'Shishido' and 'Ohtori'." Their former captain's overdramatic streak was the butt of frequent jokes among the rest of them. It felt good to laugh and joke with them all again; he hadn't seen most of them since his birthday back in February.

"I'm sure you can come up with something better than that," Atobe drawled loftily as he sauntered up to complete the group. "Copycatting is terribly gauche. Hyoutei has standards to maintain, even if you two aren't officially affiliated with the rest of us. I'm sure I could..."

"We are not coming up with any stupid chants, so get the idea right out of your head," Shishido interrupted him. "You guys are welcome to come watch, but if you start anything like that I will convince Choutarou to 'miss' with one of his serves in your direction."

They all laughed, Ohtori most of all. He'd missed this, and he'd been too occupied with keeping Shishido and Amano apart at his birthday party to enjoy it then. It made him regret the decision he'd more or less already made not to join the tennis club in high school, but he still felt it was the right thing to do. He didn't want to give up on music yet, and there just weren't enough hours in the day for him to do everything.

"Let's go for dinner!" Mukahi exclaimed. "We're only missing Hiyoshi and Kabaji, and neither of them ever said much anyway. It'll be like old times."

"No fancy restaurants," Shishido said hastily as Atobe opened his mouth. "Just burgers or something. You'll survive," he added unsympathetically to his friend as Atobe arched an eyebrow at him. "And you're also outvoted. Just give in gracefully."

"I suppose I shall just have to resign myself to allowing your uncivilized ways to influence me," Atobe sighed dramatically, but Ohtori saw a glint of amusement in the older boy's eyes. "In point of fact, Shishido, the only thing I was planning to say was that it would be my treat, but since you cut me off..."

Shishido swung at him, and Atobe easily dodged the punch with a laugh. That set them all off laughing, and the next thing Ohtori knew he'd been swept up with the group of them and dragged off towards the change room. Mukahi and Jirou pointed out everything of interest to him, teasing him that they would make him change his mind about joining the team one way or another. Ohtori just went along with it, thoroughly enjoying himself despite the odd looks they got from some of the older non-Regulars who had no idea who he was and why he was in their clubhouse.

Nobody said anything, however, and in fairly short order everyone had showered and changed and was ready to go. As they walked out of the school grounds Ohtori automatically fell into place beside Shishido, walking close enough to his partner that their shoulders and hands just barely brushed together every so often.

It was, he reflected ruefully as he listened to the others talk and occasionally inserted a few words of his own, a fairly good metaphor for his entire relationship with Shishido at the moment. Shishido was still respecting his request that they not give Amano any reason to feel vindicated or further hurt, but they couldn't quite seem to force themselves to stay entirely aloof. They hadn't kissed again after that one time but they both took just about any opportunity presented to be near or touching each other.

Even so, despite all the frustration they were both experiencing, Ohtori found it hard not to enjoy just being with Shishido. Especially with the others present to help distract both of them and diffuse some of the tension between them.

"Goodness," Oshitari drawled in his thick accent when the staff of the fast food restaurant gave them horrified looks as they walked in the doors. "You'd think we were a horde of ravening beasts about to descend on them."

"Yeah well, my mom always claims that teenage males are ravening beasts, so I think they've got good reason," Shishido shot back. "She oughta know, she's raised two of us."

"And we're athletic teenagers too," Jirou pointed out with a sleepy snicker. "Which they can tell by the tennis bags. That makes it about ten times worse. And Oshitari and Ohtori-kun are tall, so you probably eat even more than the rest of us."

"Everyone but Mukahi is tall compared to you, Jirou," Shishido replied, ruffling the smaller boy's hair. "And you're the oldest of us, to boot. You really need to hit that teenage growth spurt sometime soon."

Batting Shishido's hand away, Jirou stuck his tongue out at his friend. "Everyone in my family is short, you know that. I'm probably not going to get much bigger. That doesn't mean I'm not just as hungry as the rest of you!"

"I don't see why, you didn't do anything all practice but sleep on the bench," Mukahi retorted.

"I did so!" Jirou protested indignantly. The righteous expression slipped into an impish grin as he added, "I slept on the bleachers for a while. The fangirls are always happy to play pillow. But coach said I had to at least be on the courts or he wouldn't consider me to have been at practice."

"You're just lucky I was able to convince him to watch you play a match against me before he decided to throw you out of the club for not participating," Atobe said dryly. "And that he believed the rest of us when he asked around and everyone told him you'd always slept through practice."

"Not that Jirou wouldn't have just kept showing up and sleeping at our practices anyway," Shishido countered with a laugh. "He probably wouldn't even have noticed he wasn't supposed to be there."

"Yeah, but I'd notice that I never got to play," Jirou mock-pouted. "Anyway, if he'd thrown me out I'd have had to find some other club, since the school rules say you have to be in one. Maybe I could have joined Ohtori-kun in the orchestra." He grinned at the younger boy.

"I think you'd have more trouble sleeping through a rehearsal than you do sleeping through practice, Jirou-san," Ohtori replied with a grin. "It's much louder."

"He can sleep with rock music pounding in his headphones, I think he'd be able to sleep through one of your rehearsals," Shishido said, rolling his eyes. They'd reached the order counter now, and Mukahi and Oshitari were already placing their orders.

"I can sleep through anything," Jirou admitted with a grin, not sounding in the least repentant or regretful. "Mom always says it's a good thing I like tennis enough to stay awake for it sometimes and that I have a good metabolism, or I'd be fat from never getting any exercise."

Since Jirou's wiry frame didn't have so much as an ounce of fat to spare, Ohtori had a hard time picturing that. He and Shishido placed their orders, and then it was Atobe and Jirou's turn. Despite what he'd jokingly said to Shishido earlier Atobe paid for everything, as he usually did when the group of them went out. Even the ever-proud Shishido, who hated anything that smacked of charity in any way, had learned a long time ago not to bother protesting. For one thing, it really was like taking a bucket out of the ocean as far as Atobe's wealth was concerned.

Once they all had their trays piled high with food, they moved towards one of the booths in a back corner where their chatter wouldn't disturb as many people. In the past when they'd had Hiyoshi and Kabaji with them they'd usually opted for two tables, but with only six of them apparently someone had thought it would be a good idea for them all to squish into one booth.

Of course, cramming six athletic boys and all their food into one booth was a problem in logistics at best and a disaster waiting to happen at worst. Oshitari and Mukahi immediately claimed one side of the table, but when Ohtori moved to sit next to Mukahi Jirou wormed his way in instead, declaring (rightly) that there was no way the two biggest members of the group could sit on the same side.

Unfortunately, that somewhat foiled Ohtori's plan to not sit next to Shishido since he doubted he'd be able to get Atobe to sit between them without actually asking, which would draw far more attention than he wanted. It wasn't that Ohtori didn't want to sit next to his partner; it was that he wanted to sit next to him too much. In the booth meant for four people, they'd be pressed up together like... well, like lovers. There was such a thing as tempting fate. Not to mention that he wasn't sure he wouldn't be too distracted to pay attention to the conversation.

With a fatalistic shrug and a wry grin in his direction Shishido slid into the other side of the booth. Atobe waited for Ohtori to follow, clearly intending to sit across from Jirou. Sighing softly, Ohtori gave in to the inevitable and moved to sit next to his partner, pressing as close as possible without actually climbing into the older boy's lap in order to give Atobe enough room to perch on the end of the bench.

It was just as bad as he'd thought it would be. While the others joked and laughed, Ohtori applied himself to his food as if he was starving so he wouldn't have to participate much. They'd all seen him eat that way often enough before not to question it, even though he wasn't actually that hungry at the moment since he'd only been watching the strenuous practice.

He was hyper-aware of Shishido's body against his; the strong muscled thigh pressed to his leg, their shoulders together, the way their arms brushed with every movement. Ohtori was certain there was a flush on his cheeks to match the warmth coiling low in his body at the contact. Despite the fact that Shishido was easily holding up his end of the banter Ohtori could tell his partner wasn't entirely unaffected. Shishido's breath hitched ever so slightly any time one of them shifted. He found he kept getting distracted by imagining what would happen if Shishido dropped his left hand to rest on Ohtori's leg beneath the table, or if Ohtori rubbed his foot against his partner's calf.

Either nobody had noticed the odd tension between their former D1 pair, or they were staying mercifully silent on the subject. Ohtori suspected the former, since if there was one thing Mukahi was not known for it was being merciful. Especially where opportunities to tease Shishido in any way were concerned.

Although, the disgruntled looks Mukahi kept shooting Jirou every so often for no apparent reason made Ohtori wonder if the singles player might not be kicking him to keep him quiet. Surely not. Especially since now and again the irritated look was directed at Atobe, if Jirou happened to be distracted at the time.

Somehow he made it through the meal without completely embarrassing himself, and as he adjusted to the situation he even began to be able to enjoy and participate in the conversation as well. He never lost that razor's edge of awareness of his partner, though. As hard as it had been to resist Shishido when he'd still been going out with Amano, it was ten times as difficult now that the only thing standing between them was his sense of fairness towards his ex-boyfriend.

The restaurant wasn't all that busy so they kept talking for hours, every so often sending someone back up for more drinks and fries. By the time it was dark outside Jirou was leaning half asleep against Mukahi, and the rest of them were starting to show signs of exhaustion as well.

"We should all get home," Atobe finally declared, standing and sweeping up his refuse onto his tray. Mukahi jostled Jirou irritably, trying to wake him as Oshitari chuckled at both of them. Ohtori took the opportunity to slide away from Shishido a bit before gathering his own garbage. The debris left behind by the six of them was truly stunning, he thought with some amusement as he surveyed what was left of their meals.

"Shishido, don't forget we've got Saturday practice tomorrow," Oshitari said as Mukahi finally got Jirou awake enough to get him out of the booth so the other two could leave as well. "The coach has been understanding about you missing it to attend matches, but..."

"Yeah, I know," Shishido agreed as he followed Ohtori out of the booth. "We're not meeting with our trainer until later in the afternoon. I'll be there, don't worry."

"You should come watch again sometime, Ohtori," Mukahi said, grinning at them both. "This was fun. And we still need to convince you to change your mind about not joining the club next year."

"I'll think about it," Ohtori promised, amused and a little touched. Even if they had been couched mostly in terms of 'You can't leave us alone to suffer from the Drama Queen moping around without you', the attempts to coax him into reconsidering were heartfelt enough. He really would be missed, and it was nice to know.

"Hey, Ohtori-kun, you take the same train as me from this direction, don't you?" Jirou asked around a massive yawn. "Walk me home so I don't fall asleep on the train, please? I don't want to end up halfway to Osaka again."

Since the train they both took didn't go quite that far that was a bit of an exaggeration, but Ohtori laughed anyway. "Sure, Jirou-san, I can do that," he agreed. It would only be a couple of extra stops for him to make sure the sleepy older boy got off at the right station, and he didn't have anything pressing to do tonight.

He did cast a curious look at Atobe, though. Usually Jirou went home with Atobe and then the wealthy boy had one of his drivers take Jirou home, to prevent exactly the situation Jirou had just described. Atobe merely shrugged at him, however.

They all parted ways at the train station with much waving and many reminders to be there bright and early the next morning. As Atobe dragged him off Shishido shot Ohtori a heated look that made him shiver, feeling his gut clench. The seething heat and impatience in his partner's eyes was enough to make him go weak in the knees, as it always did. He knew Shishido was frustrated with the restrictions he'd placed on them, and so was he, but it still didn't feel right to just turn from Amano and run straight to Shishido.

He shepherded Jirou towards the platform their train would leave from, the older boy leaning against him a bit for support. "Jirou-san, how did you ever get as good at tennis as you are if you're always asleep?" Ohtori asked a question that had nagged at him for years, amused.

"Hmm?" Jirou yawned again and blinked up at him, then grinned. "I do practice, all the time. Usually with Atobe. He's the one who made me learn tennis in the first place; he said it was boring only playing against a wall. And of course there's no way we'd have been able to leave Shishido out, even if we'd wanted to. So we all took lessons with his private coach when we were kids."

"Is that how you both started playing!" Ohtori exclaimed. He'd honestly never thought to ask Shishido what had made his partner take up the sport, but this explained a lot. "And you still practice with Atobe-san now?"

"Sure, just about any time I'm over there," Jirou agreed with a sleepy grin. "It's just that it's hardly ever interesting enough at the club practices to keep me awake. It's different when I'm playing with Atobe."

"I would imagine so," Ohtori laughed. Their train pulled up with a screech of brakes, and they crowded in with everyone else on the platform.

Even this late at night it was still packed, though there was room to breathe at least. Ohtori helped Jirou wedge himself into a corner, then stood between the smaller boy and the rest of the crowd like a protective shield. His height and relative bulk made it easier for Ohtori to withstand the press of people, and Jirou laughed up at him appreciatively.

"I should always ask you to come home with me!" the smaller boy said, leaning against the wall with his eyes drooping. "You're much better at that than Atobe and Shishido are. Just don't tell Atobe I said you were better than him at something."

"I was about to ask you not to repeat that to him," Ohtori replied wryly, and Jirou laughed again.

They talked about inconsequential things for most of the trip, mostly in an effort to keep Jirou awake. Ohtori's station came and went fairly quickly as he didn't live all that far from the school. Three stops later it was Jirou's station, and Ohtori pushed through the crowd to clear him a path to the door.

"Hey, walk me home?" Jirou asked as they reached the exit to the car. "I wanted to talk to you, but it was too crowded and noisy in here. It's not that far from my place to yours, right?"

"Sure," Ohtori agreed again, a little surprised. What could Jirou have to talk to him about? Well, that explained why he'd asked Ohtori to take him home instead of just going with Atobe, at least.

They made their way out of the station and into the brisk night air. Summer was well on its way, but the nights were still just a little cool. Ohtori wasn't exactly cold in the short-sleeved summer Hyoutei uniform, but he wasn't warm either. Jirou on the other hand seemed somewhat invigorated by the fresh air, his eyes opening again as he stopped yawning with every other breath. It wouldn't last, Ohtori knew from experience, but at least it meant he wasn't in any danger of having to carry the older boy home.

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked as they walked down the quiet street. There were still lights on in most of the houses, but few people were outside at this time of day.

"Shishido told us you were worried about hurting Amano by getting together with him so quickly," Jirou said with his usual artless lack of tact. Ohtori blushed. It was one thing to know that Atobe and Jirou had a general idea of what was going on. It was another thing entirely to find out that Shishido had been telling them specifics.

"It's just that we spent so much of our relationship fighting about his jealousy towards Ryou," Ohtori explained awkwardly. "It seems like I'm proving him right. It makes me feel like I really was betraying him that whole time, even though Ryou and I never did anything."

"Well, in all honesty, you probably could have handled it better," Jirou admitted guilelessly, making Ohtori wince. "I kept wondering why you didn't break up with him once Shishido got his head out of his ass and you forgave him. Not that there's anything wrong with just being attracted to someone while you're in a relationship with someone else, but you were pretty obviously more strongly attached to Shishido than Amano-kun."

"But it would have been totally heartless of me to break up with Kazuya just so I could go out with Ryou," Ohtori protested. "That really would have vindicated his jealousy! I don't want to be the kind of person who could do that, Jirou-san."

"Was it any less heartless to put all three of you through months of more misery because you weren't willing to cause a little more pain early on?" Jirou wanted to know, and Ohtori winced again.

"There are times when I could wish you were a little less blunt, Jirou-san," he muttered. He couldn't deny the older boy's words, however. Looking back on it, it did seem clear that the best thing he could have done was break up with Kazuya when it became clear that his feelings for Shishido weren't as dead as he'd thought. "But I did care about Kazuya," he whispered, more to himself than to Jirou. "And he'd done so much for me. How could I not have tried everything I could think of to save the relationship before I gave up on it?"

"That's true, it isn't a good thing to give up on someone every time something better seems to come along," Jirou agreed. "It was a little different though, considering everything you and Shishido had gone through up to that point. But what's past is past, and you can't do anything about it now. I suppose it probably was the only thing you could have done and lived with yourself afterwards." He cocked his head curiously at the taller boy. "I don't get it, though. You have broken up with him, for good reasons from what Shishido said. So what's stopping you now?"

"I told you," Ohtori said miserably. "Running straight to Ryou would make everything he said about me seem justified." 'How long will it take before you run into his arms?' He shuddered. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Jirou wanted to know. When Ohtori only looked at him blankly, Jirou shrugged. "Who are you trying to make happy, Ohtori-kun?"

"I don't..." Ohtori blinked at him, baffled. "I don't understand, Jirou-san. What do you mean?"

"I mean, who are you trying to make happy?" Jirou insisted. "Right now Shishido is miserable because it's killing him to have you so close but not be able to have you. You're miserable because you feel bad about breaking up with Amano-kun, and because you want Shishido just as bad but you feel guilty about it. And Amano-kun is miserable because you broke up with him, and is still probably thinking that you left him for Shishido even though you two haven't done anything yet."

As Ohtori stared at him, Jirou gave him a bemused look. "So who are you making happy? Nobody. If you go be with Shishido then he'll be ecstatic, and you'll be happy because you finally get to be with him, even if you do still feel a little guilty about Amano. And Amano will feel vindicated, which may or may not make him a little happier or a little more upset, but he'll get over it eventually. Just like he'd have to get over it eventually even if you waited years to be with Shishido."

Stunned, Ohtori tried to absorb that. If he really thought about it, he supposed he'd been trying to make himself happy, or at least a bit less guilty. But Jirou was right that Amano probably believed he was with Shishido now whether or not it was true.

And really, even if they weren't physically doing anything, it was true, wasn't it? However Ohtori tried to deny it or put it off, he and Shishido both knew it was only a matter of time. If they were already together in their hearts, did it matter if what they did with their bodies didn't reflect that?

"Anyway, how long is 'long enough'?" Jirou asked, continuing softly. Ohtori realized he'd stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, and the older boy had turned to face him. "How long do you have to wait before it's okay for you to be with Shishido? It's already been weeks. Will a month be long enough? Two? Several? A year? More?"

"I don't know," Ohtori replied, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I guess there isn't a good answer to that. Gods, what have I been doing?"

"You've been trying to make the best of a bad situation," Jirou said sympathetically. "It's just that you're going about it all wrong." He grinned. "Sometimes it's better in the end to be a little selfish, Ohtori-kun. Making yourself and Shishido unhappy doesn't serve any real purpose."

"You're right," Ohtori was forced to acknowledge. He felt like an idiot. Swallowing, he managed a wry smile at Jirou. "You know, for someone who spends most of his time asleep..."

"I know a lot about how people work?" Jirou's grin turned to the familiar impish look his teammates knew so well. "Comes from having Atobe and Shishido as best friends. Trying to keep that friendship intact ought to let me test out of any number of psychology courses in university." Ohtori couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Now go home," Jirou instructed him. "We're almost at my house, I can get home from here without any trouble. I'd say you should call Shishido, except knowing him he'd charge straight over to your place. Maybe you should wait until after your practice tomorrow."

"Assuming I can even concentrate on tennis when I've got something like that to say to him," Ohtori said, shaking his head. "But I won't tell him over the phone, no. That would be... rather unsatisfying for both of us, I think."

Slowly a smile was spreading over his face, the first true, unalleviated smile he'd worn for far too long. He still felt guilty for what he'd done to Amano, but Jirou was right that he wasn't making anybody happy this way.

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