Chapter 5

The disadvantage of Ohtori arriving with the other second years, after practice, was that it meant he was one of the last to get to Shishido's house. The other seniors arrived much earlier, and of course Oshitari and Mukahi promptly set about teasing the hell out of Shishido for finally submitting to the indignity of a birthday party.

Atobe and Jirou, of course, knew the real reason for the 'party'. Shishido was just grateful that his two oldest friends were refraining from teasing him as well.

At least he'd convinced his family to clear out, after much begging and pleading and threatening on his part. His parents had taken his grandmother out for a nice dinner and a theater show, and his brother had gone over to a friend's for the night. He'd even locked the dog in his bedroom, though he felt a little guilty doing it. She was an old dog, though, and he wasn't sure she could handle the excitement of so many new people in her space. She'd be okay.

By the time the juniors finally showed up, Shishido was about ready to kill someone (preferably Mukahi) and seriously starting to wonder if this had been such a hot idea after all. Surely it wouldn't have been that hard to corner Ohtori somewhere else? Somewhere a bit more private?

The sound of the door buzzer was like a rescue from heaven. Shishido escaped Mukahi's merciless teasing gratefully, all but bolting for the front door. His family's apartment was small, but he couldn't remember it ever feeling tiny before this.

Theoretically adding three more people shouldn't have helped his vague feeling of claustrophobia, but his first glimpse of Ohtori's smile was like a breath of fresh air. His smile no longer forced, he stepped back and invited the three juniors in, accepting their murmured apologies for intruding with a nod.

"Geez, I thought you'd never get here," he muttered to his partner as the three of them kicked off their shoes and put on the house slippers provided for guests. "Remind me not to ever again voluntarily put myself into a confined space with Mukahi, all right?"

Ohtori laughed softly. "Given the way the two of you were always sniping at each other, I wouldn't have thought that would be something you'd need reminding about, Shishido-san." Shishido couldn't help grinning back at him, enjoying the sound of his familiar laughter.

Though he studied the younger boy as closely as he dared, Shishido could detect no hint of that heavy weight of sorrow that had been in his partner's eyes the last time they'd spoken. Nor was Ohtori avoiding his eyes anymore, and the junior seemed relaxed and relatively happy as the four of them made their way into the living room where the rest of the former regulars were.

Maybe he'd imagined it? Or hell, maybe Ohtori had just been having a bad day for some reason. A bad week. Maybe the stress from the piece he was trying to learn with Amano had been getting to him, and that was all it was. Whatever the reason, Shishido was unaccountably relieved to have Ohtori smiling and talking easily to him again.

After that, the party wasn't nearly as bad. Certainly nowhere near as aggravating as Shishido had expected it to be. He'd made it clear to everyone that there were to be no presents, nor anything as cheesy as a birthday cake. Instead he'd ordered half a dozen different pizzas, and from somewhere Jirou had produced a couple of the most dreadful movies Shishido had ever seen for them to sit and poke fun at. The first was one of those 'underdog sports team triumphs over all odds' movies - for tennis. The ridiculous and physically impossible moves the players used had them all howling with laughter and practically rolling on the floor.

By the time they took a break after the first movie to get snacks and chat for a bit, Shishido was almost willing to admit that maybe the party hadn't been a bad idea in and of itself. As much as Mukahi grated on his nerves and he'd never been close to most of his teammates, it was good to have them all together again. Maybe they'd have to arrange to have more of these get-togethers, once a month or something. He was sure Atobe would be happy to organize something like that.

There was only one thing marring his enjoyment of the night, and it wasn't Mukahi's incessant teasing. Though he'd at first thought that things were back to normal between him and Ohtori, there was something still off about the way the younger boy was acting towards him. He'd sat on the other couch, next to Jirou and Atobe, even though there'd been plenty of room beside Shishido. The junior had spent more time catching up with Oshitari and Jirou and even Mukahi than he had speaking to his partner, though he seemed happy enough to answer if Shishido talked to him first. And not once during the night so far had Ohtori so much as brushed against him, much less touched his shoulder or ruffled his hair like he usually did.

It was driving Shishido crazy. Ohtori was being perfectly polite, even friendly, but it just wasn't right. Shishido escaped into the kitchen with the excuse of making popcorn, needing a few minutes to himself just to think. Staring at the microwave as the popcorn bag slowly expanded, he tried to organize his thoughts and figure out how to get Ohtori alone.

When he heard footsteps behind him on the tile, for a moment he thought maybe he'd gotten lucky. If things had been normal, he'd have taken it for granted that his partner would have followed him into the kitchen, but he hadn't known what to expect with the way things were.

He knew even before he turned, though, that it wasn't Ohtori. For one thing, he'd know his partner's gait anywhere, on or off the courts. For another, there were two sets of footsteps, and one of them was sort of shuffling.

"Hey guys," he sighed as he turned to see Atobe leaning against the wall as Jirou collapsed down into one of the kitchen chairs. "Don't fall asleep, Jirou, you'll miss the zombie movie," he added to his sleepy friend.

Jirou just grinned and gave him a thumbs-up. "Not falling asleep yet," the former singles player assured him. "Atobe's been keeping me awake. And I wanted to see how things were going with you and Ohtori-kun."

Scowling at the reminder, Shishido turned back to watching the popcorn. "Everything's fine," he said shortly, crossing his arms. "Though I don't have the first clue how I'm going to get him alone. Remind me again why you guys insisted I invite everyone?"

"You don't sound as though everything is 'fine'," Atobe pointed out, raising a brow at him. "What's going on, Ryou?"

"Nothing!" Shishido insisted, tightening his arms a little. He fidgeted, digging a toe into the crack between tiles, still scowling. "It's just... does Choutarou's behaviour seem kinda off to you guys?"

"He seems fine to me," Jirou said around a yawn. "He even let me put my head on his shoulder, he doesn't usually do that if he's upset at all. And he was laughing at the movie with the rest of us."

"Yeah, but..." Shishido searched helplessly for words. How could he say that it felt like Ohtori hadn't been paying enough attention to him, without sounding like a brat spoiled enough to rival Atobe? "He isn't... he hasn't been..."

"Hasn't been hanging off your every word?" Atobe suggested archly, making Jirou snicker softly. "Hasn't been taking every possible opportunity to be near you, hasn't been following you around like a lost puppy begging for affection?" Shishido bristled, at the other boy's tone as much as at his words.

"That's not what I meant!" Shishido snapped back heatedly, though he was careful to keep his voice down so those in the living room wouldn't overhear them. "He does not follow me around like a lost puppy! Hell, you make him sound like a fangirl with a crush."

"I believe 'infatuation' might be a more accurate term," Atobe replied dryly. "And while he certainly hasn't been puppy-like tonight, those are the words most frequently chosen by other people to describe his behaviour towards you." He shrugged elegantly. "If I had to hazard a guess as to the source of his actions tonight, I'd say he's finally starting to get over you."

Dumbfounded, Shishido stared at him. "You're crazy," he said flatly. "Totally certifiable. Choutarou does not have a crush on me!"

"Not any more," Jirou snickered. When Shishido's gaze snapped over to him, he merely yawned and grinned. "Sorry Shishido, but it's true. He's treating you more like a friend than a crush now."

That hadn't been the part that had made Shishido stare disbelievingly at Jirou. "You're both nuts," he declared. "You've obviously been reading too much shounen ai manga, or something. Choutarou and I have never been anything more than friends and partners."

"Since it would take a blind man to have missed the way he looks at you, I can only assume you're too deep in your own denial to see the obvious, even when it hits you over the head." Atobe sighed and shook his head. "And you wonder why Jirou and I refused to try to explain things to you before this. I told you that you needed to figure it out for yourself."

"So why are you telling me now?" Shishido growled, trying to fight down the uneasy feeling that was crawling up his throat. Atobe's famed 'Insight' had failed him for once; they were both totally off base. There was no way in hell Ohtori was like that, let alone felt that way about him.

"Because if he is actually getting over you, then we're not ruining his chances anymore by smacking you with a cluebat," Jirou informed him cheerfully. "I'm kinda sorry to see it, I think he'd have been good for you, but I suppose it's just as well for him to get on with his life, if you're never gonna catch on."

"Don't take our word for it," Atobe shrugged. "Watch the way he treats everyone else tonight. And by the way, your popcorn is burning."

It was indeed, Shishido realized. He spun and stabbed at the button to turn off the microwave, swearing. If his hand was shaking a bit as he did it, it was only because the very idea of Ohtori having a crush on him was so ridiculous it was laughable.

He couldn't forget his friends' words, however, and when he finally came back out into the main room with a couple of big bowls of popcorn, he found his eyes continually drawn back to his partner. Ohtori was sitting on one end of the couch, Atobe on the other, with Jirou sprawled out over both of them with his usual disregard for personal space. Ohtori had permitted the sleepy boy to use his lap as a pillow, but Shishido noted with some surprise that the younger man wasn't running his fingers idly through Jirou's hair as he (normally) would have had it been Shishido putting his lap to a similar purpose.

In fact, he realized as the second movie wore on, Ohtori wasn't touching anybody. Shishido had always assumed that the casual touches Ohtori constantly bestowed on him were just part of the way his partner interacted with people, that he was a naturally touchy person. But if that was true, then Shishido wasn't the only person Ohtori was physically avoiding now.

For a while he worried that it might be a sign that there was something really wrong. All kinds of weird scenarios played through his head: Ohtori had some weird kind of disease and didn't want to risk spreading it, or maybe the junior had suddenly developed overly sensitive skin that made it painful to touch, or maybe even something had happened to hurt the tall boy and make him skittish of touch.

The last thought made him growl so loudly that Hiyoshi eyed him and asked if he was okay, so he wrenched his mind off that train of thought. None of it was realistic anyway. Thinking back on it, he couldn't actually remember ever seeing his partner just casually touching anyone but him. And, he remembered with an odd sinking feeling in his gut, it wasn't that Ohtori was refusing to touch anyone. After all, Shishido had seen him touching Amano, and had even thought to himself that it was a great deal like the way Ohtori usually touched him.

Which, if he allowed himself to consider Atobe's ridiculous theory about the reason for Ohtori's behaviour towards him, would imply that...

His stomach lurched, and he quickly buried that thought before it could finish forming. If his partner was... was like that, Shishido didn't want to know about it. He tried to be open-minded about that sort of thing - he was a tennis player, after all, and he wasn't entirely ignorant of the fact that Oshitari and Mukahi were a little closer than was strictly necessary to their partnership - but it was a different matter entirely when it involved him.

Still, by the time the movie was done, he couldn't deny the conclusion that Ohtori was treating him exactly like he was treating everyone else at the party - like a good friend and former teammate, and nothing more. There was none of the sense of closeness and partnership Shishido was used to, and certainly no sign of the effortless synchronicity they'd once enjoyed.

"All right guys, time to call it a night," he announced, drawing groans and protests from the rest of the room. Truth to tell, except for his preoccupation with trying to decipher Ohtori's behaviour he'd been having a pretty damn good time himself, and was a bit reluctant to have it end. "It's a school night," he reminded all of them, suppressing a yawn. "And my parents will be home soon with my grandmother. I have to clean up before I can sleep, I promised my mom."

One by one they stood and stretched, still laughing over the zombie humour of the last movie. Shishido saw Jirou yawn and sit up, then lean over to whisper something in Ohtori's ear. The younger boy looked surprised by his senpai's words, whatever they were, but he nodded hesitantly. Sourly Shishido wondered if it had something to do with Jirou and Atobe's stupid theory.

Most of the others made at least some token effort to help straighten the room and deal with the trash, which Shishido was grateful for. Somewhat to his surprise, Ohtori lingered, making no move towards the door as he helped clean up. When he saw Shishido looking at him, he grinned sheepishly and asked, "Do you mind if I say hi to Pochi before I go? I haven't seen her in a while."

"Pochi?" Mukahi echoed before Shishido could say anything. "You have a dog named Pochi, Shishido? Geez, why not just name it 'Inu' while you're at it?"

"Shut up," Shishido growled, embarrassed. This was the other reason he'd shut his pet up in his room. "I was three when I named her, all right? Give me a break!" He shook his head, and shot a sideways glance at his partner. Ohtori could have gone in to see his dog at any time during the night; there was no reason for him to wait until everyone else was gone. If things had been normal between them Shishido wouldn't have even thought twice about it; they'd often remained together long after everyone else had left any team gatherings, just hanging out and talking. But things weren't normal, and he wondered if it had something to do with whatever Jirou had said.

Soon the others were gone, Atobe shooting Shishido an unreadable glance before he left that was clearly some kind of warning. It might have been more effective if Shishido had any idea what the warning was, but perhaps the intended effect had been somewhat distorted by the mostly-asleep Jirou the other boy had been supporting.

With the two of them working together, it didn't take them long to get the room back into shape. Ohtori worked silently, once again not meeting Shishido's eyes, and Shishido wondered what the hell he'd done to set the younger boy off this time.

"What is it?" he finally asked, impatient with the pussyfooting around. Ohtori wasn't usually coy, it wasn't in his personality. It certainly wasn't in Shishido's personality to put up with it for long.

Big brown eyes blinked down at him as Ohtori straightened to his full height. "Um. Actually, I hope you're not upset... I got you a present," the younger boy confessed, the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. "And, I really did want to see Pochi," he added with a sheepish grin.

Surprised, Shishido laughed. "Why doesn't it surprise me that you're the one who broke the 'no presents' rule?" he asked, some of the sick feeling in his stomach settling. It was only nerves that had made Ohtori avoid his eyes this time. "C'mon, my parents will be home any minute, you can give it to me in my room and say hi to her at the same time."

Pochi was certainly happy to see Ohtori; she leapt up onto the younger boy, tail wagging a mile a minute as she frisked like a much younger dog. Ohtori knelt and patted her, laughing as she attempted to lick his face. Shishido just leaned against the wall and watched them with a grin on his face. There was something terribly cute about watching his best friend play with his dog, and always had been.

When Pochi was finally satisfied with the attention, Ohtori stood and presented Shishido with a wrapped gift; politely with both hands. For once Shishido remembered his manners and took it the same way, flushing slightly as he fumbled with the paper. It turned out to be a DVD of a movie based on one of Shishido's favourite Greek myths; he stared at the box in shock. It wasn't supposed to be released in Japan for almost a month, though it had been out in America for a week now. The box was clearly Japanese, however, and the fine print proclaimed it to have both a Japanese dub and subtitle option. "How...?"

"My father has some connections," Ohtori said with a small smile. "I remembered you talking about how much you wanted to see this, and how mad you were that it was going to take so long to come out here, so I thought I'd give you a head start."

Shishido was a bit floored. Both that Ohtori had remembered a chance comment he'd made in response to a poster they'd seen for the movie, and by the fact that there was no way Ohtori had made the arrangements to get this since the previous Sunday. "Thanks," he said, running his fingers over the box. Part of him wanted to invite Ohtori to come over and watch it with him, as thanks, but with the awkwardness that had grown between him he wasn't sure the invitation would be welcome. It was a step beyond anything they'd ever done before, to meet deliberately with no intention of doing anything related to tennis, and in the wake of Atobe's earlier comments it felt weirdly to Shishido like he'd have been asking for a date or something.

"Um." Ohtori sounded hesitant again, and maybe Shishido was imagining it but there seemed to be a hint of disappointment as well. "I should probably go, I guess. Thank you for inviting me, Shishido-san..."

"Wait," Shishido said, just a touch desperate. He didn't want to leave things like this between them, didn't want to throw away this one chance he finally had to really talk to Ohtori. When the younger boy paused and looked at him curiously, he took a deep breath and tried to steady himself.

"Choutarou, won't you at least tell me what I did to upset you so much?" he pleaded with his partner. There was a brief flash of the same sorrow he'd seen in those deep brown eyes last weekend, before Ohtori lowered his eyes and schooled his expression. "Hey, don't do that!" Shishido exclaimed, frustrated. "Don't hide from me, damn it. You haven't been this closed off towards me since I first asked you to help me train. What the hell is going on, Choutarou?"

A hint of white appeared as Ohtori bit at his lower lip, his eyes still turned away. "Shishido-san," he finally said softly, "the truth is that to me it seemed as though after the first time you asked me for help, it was always me who initiated things between us." At Shishido's blank look, he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "It was always me who called you to go play, me who suggested we stick together after team meetings or practices, me who cornered you after classes to hang out. I kept telling myself that I was just imagining it, but that's what it felt like."

"Choutarou..." Shishido started, bewildered. What the hell was his partner talking about? It hadn't always been him who'd initiated contact between them, had it? Shishido tried to think back, to remember times when he'd been the one to suggest they go out or spend time together. Nothing came immediately to mind, but surely that was just because no one incident stuck out in his mind? And anyway, even if it was true, so what? It wasn't like Ohtori had been forced to drag him kicking and screaming.

"No, let me finish," Ohtori asked, and Shishido sighed and nodded. "I suppose it was probably childish of me," the junior continued doggedly, "but I wanted some reassurance that it was all in my head. I decided to just stop. Not call you, not look you up after class, not try to track you down at home."

Shishido felt his heart clench as his partner laughed, the sound uncharacteristically bitter. "In all honesty, I didn't think it would take more than a couple of days for me to hear from you," Ohtori admitted. "I was sure it was just my imagination. But days went by, and I never saw you. I told myself you were just busy with studying, and surely in a week or two you'd call me to go play tennis."

"But I didn't," Shishido whispered, suddenly understanding why Atobe had been so exasperated with him when he'd admitted that the only reason he'd finally gone looking for Ohtori had been because of Hiyoshi telling him about his partner quitting the club. How must that have looked to Ohtori?

"I... fucking hell, Choutarou, I'm sorry," he said miserably. "I really was just busy, and I kept thinking that I shouldn't be monopolizing so much of your time now that we didn't need to practice together constantly." He gave the younger boy a helpless look. "I meant to call you, really I did. You know me, I get focused on things and forget about everything else. Including things like how long it's been since I last ate, let alone since the last time I called you."

Finally Ohtori raised his eyes again, and Shishido saw burgeoning hope in the younger boy's gaze. "So then... it really was just all a misunderstanding?" he asked - more like 'pleaded'. "I thought... it seemed like things might be okay last Sunday, but then Atobe-san and Jirou-san showed up and it felt kind of like you hadn't wanted to be alone with me..."

"You big dumb idiot," Shishido exclaimed, half in exasperation and half in affection. "If you'd stuck around long enough, I was going to invite you out to dinner, just the two of us, to catch up. Atobe and Jirou were just kind of an afterthought, to give us someone worth playing, that was all. I didn't even really mean to invite them, it just kinda happened."

"Really?" There was a light in Ohtori's eyes that Shishido hadn't even realized was missing until it returned. It made something clench low in his gut, and he shivered, not sure he liked the sensation. "Shishido-san... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tested you like that."

"Can't say I really blame you," Shishido admitted wryly, trying to calm himself. "If it'd been me in your position, I'd probably have just hunted you down and cursed you out for ignoring me, but you always were too polite for your own damn good."

That made Ohtori laugh, a sweet, delighted sound that made the twisting in Shishido's stomach increase. A bit uncomfortable, Shishido tried to keep the atmosphere light. "Anyway, things are okay between us now, right? We'll play together on the weekends, or something, and get our game back in shape. And kick the snot out of Jirou and Atobe next time we play them."

"Absolutely," Ohtori agreed, eyes sparkling. "I do still need to spend a lot of time practicing, and you should be studying, but at least we're talking properly again."

"You know what's funny?" Shishido commented, laughing softly himself. "Atobe and Jirou had this whole elaborate theory about how you had an infatuation with me, and that's why you treated me differently than everyone else. I guess they thought you felt jilted, or something, and that's why you were brushing me off. Can you believe it?"

He glanced up at his partner again, and his laughter caught in his throat. The deer-in-headlights look in Ohtori's big brown eyes was not exactly doing anything to disprove Atobe's theory. "Choutarou?" he asked hesitantly. "You don't... I mean, it's not like you... right?"

Well, that hadn't exactly been his most coherent moment ever. Ohtori couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted to blush furiously or let all the blood drain out of his face, and the resulting expression should have been funny but wasn't.

"I... Shishido-san, I..." Ohtori was floundering, and every second that passed as he didn't deny it made Shishido's heart beat a little faster. There was just no way. Surely there was no way Atobe had been right.

Finally Ohtori ducked his head, the blush winning out as he mumbled, "I... I did kind of have a bit of a crush on you, I guess." Shishido felt like his heart stopped briefly, before picking up in triple time, beating so fast it was making him almost nauseous. Or maybe that was just shock. Ohtori was continuing, oblivious to his partner's distress, "It's not like I ever would have said anything. I didn't realize anyone had figured it out. But I guess... I'm sort of glad you know."

He looked up with a hesitant smile, but Shishido must have been wearing his own version of a deer-in-headlights look, because the smile faded quickly. "Um. Shishido-san? Are you okay?" Ohtori asked, wide-eyed with worry.

Shishido just gaped at him, totally speechless. He couldn't believe Ohtori actually felt that way, about him, let alone that the younger boy was admitting it. He tried to process the idea. Ohtori had thought about kissing him... maybe even doing other things with him? He supposed there was a certain allure of the forbidden to it all, but you just weren't supposed to think about your best friend like that, damn it! He wasn't supposed to have to wonder about just what Ohtori might have fantasized about doing with him...

An inevitable thought struck him. He knew the physical needs of the teenaged male body as well as anyone their age. Had Ohtori thought about him even while... while... Shishido couldn't even manage to complete the thought. He felt his own face flush, his ears burning as a shudder ran down his spine. This was not happening, Ohtori was not confessing to him and he was so notthinkingabouthispartnerjerkingoff in any context...

"I... I think it's getting late," he said, abruptly finding his voice again. The shocked, hurt look in Ohtori's eyes was too painful to look at, so he turned away, fussing with putting the DVD away with the others on his shelf. His breathing was a little too fast, but he couldn't seem to slow it. "You should probably go, before your parents think I've kidnapped you or something."

"Shishido-san?" Ohtori's voice sounded smaller than Shishido had ever heard it, like he was a little kid or something. Or like Shishido was breaking his heart, but he was trying not to think about that, damn it. "We're... we're still okay, right? I mean... we just fixed this, we're going to start spending time together again, right?"

"Yeah," Shishido assured him, but his voice was husky and he still couldn't look at his partner. "Yeah, we're fine, Choutarou. I'm just tired, I hate birthday parties and now I'm exhausted." He managed a twisted smile over his shoulder in Ohtori's general direction. "The only reason I even had this damn thing was because it seemed like it was my only chance of actually getting to talk to you."

That seemed to reassure the younger boy somewhat, because Shishido saw him offer a tentative smile in return. "You didn't have to do that, Shishido-san," he said, but he sounded pleased. "I guess I'll talk to you later, then? Maybe we can go play this weekend again."

"Sounds good," Shishido agreed, turning to face him again. He had to shove his hands in his pockets to hide the way they were shaking, but that was a normal pose for him so hopefully Ohtori wouldn't think anything of it. "I'll call you."

"All right," Ohtori nodded, his smile widening a bit. "You don't have to let me out, Shishido-san, I can find my own way to the door. I'll see you soon." He reached for the doorknob, but then hesitated long enough to add, "Happy birthday, Shishido-san. Sleep well."

Then he was gone, and Shishido was able to draw a deep, almost sobbing breath. He collapsed down onto his bed, staring at the door as he listened to his best friend make his way out of the apartment. His thoughts were running around in psychotic little circles, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything. Damn it, what the hell was he supposed to do now?

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