Chapter 6

Ohtori lay quietly in the bed, gritting his teeth against the pain as he forced himself to keep his breathing even and slow. It wasn't as bad now as it had been when they'd first been forcibly warming him up, but the painkillers they'd given him had worn off some time ago. He knew he should be sleeping, conserving his energy, but the pain was keeping him awake.

The pain, and the cold. While he logically knew that they'd probably set the temperature in the room even higher than normal to accommodate the two half-frozen boys, it felt like he might as well be out in the snow again. He was shivering, his whole body shaking with the force of it, and there was an internal core of ice deep within him that no amount of hot tea or warm baths was able to touch.

Of course, that icy core might be fear as much as actual cold. He hadn't been able to understand most of what the doctors were saying, but their tone and grim expressions had told him what he needed to know. They hadn't taken any of his fingers or toes off, at least - but they weren't sure he would make a full recovery, either.

The pain gripped him tight, freezing his breath in his lungs and making his heart pound in his chest so hard he wondered why the nurse in the next room didn't hear it and come to check on him. Tears choked his throat, and the only reason he wasn't sobbing outright was because he knew Atobe was sleeping off a sedative in the bed a few feet away from his, and he didn't want to wake the older boy with his weakness. Ohtori didn't often cry; people generally thought him unusually mature for his age, but at that moment he felt every inch a frightened young child.

He desperately wished his family were there, or Shishido - someone warm and familiar and comforting, who would speak to him in Japanese instead of broken English, who would hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. Even if it wasn't true, it was what he needed to hear right now, what he needed to believe. But his family was half a world away, safe in Japan, and he was fairly certain the nurses must have thrown Shishido out.

He wondered if anybody had called their families to let them know what had happened. Shishido knew his phone number at home, not just his cell number like the rest of the team did. Had they done it when the boys had first gone missing, or only later, after they came back safe? What time was it in Tokyo? Would his father have answered the call, or his mother?

They must be so worried about me, he thought, feeling oddly guilty for causing his family such distress. I hope it doesn't throw otou-san off his work, he's got that big trial coming up that he has to prepare for. Kaa-san is probably fretting herself sick. Maybe Shishido-san was too worried about me to think of phoning them - I hope so. I don't want to ruin their holidays.

The drugs still in his system were making him a little giddy, he decided. It was hard to keep his thoughts in order. Or maybe that was just the pain. A soft sob escaped him, and he bit back the ones that wanted to follow it, not wanting to wake Atobe or draw the attention of the nurse. His body shook harder with the effort of it, and some of the tears he'd been fighting managed to escape his control.

In the bed next to him, Atobe had been similarly occupied with trying to ignore the pain that was keeping him awake. He hadn't wanted to ask for another sedative when the one they'd given him had worn off, because he hated not being clear headed and in control of himself. He was willing to deal with a painful, sleepless night if it meant he could keep his rationality.

When he heard Ohtori sob softly and then choke off the sound, he knew his teammate was awake as well. Turning his head, he could make out the large form of the younger boy under the blankets on the other bed, highlighted by the moonlight that managed to make its way past the blinds in the windows. Ohtori was shaking, he could see that even from here.

"Ohtori." Atobe's voice came out more gently than he usually spoke. It was both the desire to keep the nurse in the other room from hearing him and a wish not to hurt Ohtori any further that softened his tone. "If you're hurting that badly, you should ask them for a sedative."

"Atobe-senpai," Ohtori gasped, his eyes flying open as he turned to face his captain. He bit his lip as the movement jarred his hands painfully. It felt like his nerves were raw and exposed, and every little movement rubbed the oversensitive skin against the odd little heated gloves they'd made him wear to keep his hands warm. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

Atobe automatically tried to wave that off with a gesture, and then it was his turn to grunt in pain as his body protested. His hands were working again, but everything ached and the fire in his leg was beyond belief. A short, utterly unamused laugh escaped him. "Quite the pair, aren't we? I suppose it's a good thing there aren't any tennis tournaments held in winter, and there won't be another ranking match for a while." Not that ranking matches affected Atobe, since the seniors were officially retired from the tennis club, but Ohtori still had to worry about them.

"And don't you dare apologize," Atobe added when he heard Ohtori draw breath to speak. The younger boy could have been just replying, of course, but somehow even the sound of his breathing managed to sound contrite.

That surprised a soft laugh out of Ohtori. Usually only Shishido was that good at predicting when his partner was going to start apologizing 'unnecessarily'. Atobe-senpai has always made a point of knowing his Regulars... but he's never been able to predict me that well. Ohtori couldn't help feeling that this whole ordeal, horrible as it had been, hadn't been all bad if it had helped him be a little closer to their untouchable captain.

"How's your leg?" he asked instead of apologizing. "And... you weren't frostbitten, were you?"

"I was, but not nearly as badly as you." Atobe's voice dropped in disapproval. "You should have said something, Ohtori. We could have traded gloves for a while."

"The same way we traded jackets 'for a while'?" Ohtori replied dryly. He'd never have dared talk back to Atobe like that before, but somehow he knew the senior wouldn't take offense in this situation.

"I'd have taken it back eventually, if you hadn't gotten it in your head to try to wrap it around both of us," Atobe replied loftily. He knew he probably wouldn't have, though, not unless Ohtori had made a fuss about it. Damn it, he was the captain, he was responsible for Ohtori. If anyone was going to suffer from the cold, it damn well should have been Atobe. That was why he was kicking himself so hard for not thinking to offer his gloves as well as his jacket.

So much for his reputation of being perfect. He'd royally screwed this up. Well, it wasn't as if he'd never made mistakes in the past - part of being perfect was knowing that you couldn't know everything, and that sometimes judgments you made on partial information would turn out to be wrong when you had the full details, and gracefully acknowledging your mistake so you could learn from it.

He only wished this particular lapse didn't carry such a high price for anyone but himself. "How are your hands?" he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer. How was he ever going to apologize to Ohtori's parents for getting their son into such a situation, after they'd entrusted the boy to his care?

Ohtori bit his lip at the question, not sure how to answer. "I couldn't understand most of what they were saying," he finally murmured, fighting the urge to clench his fists in nervousness. Moving his hands now would hurt way too much, and he was already on the edge of tears. He couldn't bear for Atobe to see him be that weak. From somewhere, he managed to dredge up a slight smile, and a shaky but light tone of voice. "They didn't cut anything off, anyway. So I should be fine, right?"

Hearing the tone as much as the words, Atobe felt his gut clench. The doctors were still worried, or Ohtori would have said that they seemed happy with his recovery. And Ohtori was scared, or he wouldn't have been trying so hard to seem like he wasn't. Atobe understood that much about his kouhai - Ohtori had just as much pride as the rest of the Regulars; he just showed it in a different manner sometimes.

"I'm sure you'll make a full recovery," he forced himself to say firmly. "You're young, healthy, and in excellent shape. Your body can recover easily from a great deal more than most people would be able to."

"That's true," Ohtori acknowledged, allowing himself to cling to that hope. The core of ice inside him shrank a little, though he could still feel it like a diamond-hard lump in his gut and chest. He shivered again, and huddled a little more into his blankets. "Is it cold in here, or is it just me?"

"It is a bit chilly," Atobe acknowledged. "I think there are extra blankets at the foot of the beds, that should help." Though he wasn't sure it was a physical cold Ohtori was suffering from. If Atobe were more inclined to weakness, he himself might have been suffering a similar internal chill, caused by the bite of fear and worry over his leg. Such things were not easily appeased by something as simple as a blanket. Not that he'd know from experience, of course - his current chill was obviously entirely due to the room temperature.

Ohtori eyed the blanket that was indeed folded up at his feet, then looked back at his hands. There was no way he could get it open and spread over him. "I'm okay," he murmured, resigning himself to shivering. He was not going to ask someone to tuck him in like a little kid, damn it. Especially not if the 'someone' was Atobe!

"Aan?" Atobe questioned that immediately. "If you can't do it yourself, why not call the nurse to do it for you? That's what she's here for, Ohtori-kun."

Grimacing, Ohtori shrugged awkwardly, the movement barely visible in the dim light. "If I call her, she'll give me another sedative. I don't want to be unconscious if I don't have to be." His voice dropped to a barely audible tone as he added, "I keep being afraid that if I let them knock me out again, I might wake up to find they had to do surgery after all." The idea of waking to find himself minus a few key parts of his hands was utterly horrifying, and more than enough to keep him awake even if it he hadn't been in such pain.

"They wouldn't do it without your consent unless it was an emergency, which it clearly is not since they left you alone this long," Atobe assured him. He supposed he could understand the fear, though. It was a rather disturbing thought.

He couldn't just leave the younger boy there to shiver himself through the night, however. He briefly debated calling the nurse anyway. But he didn't want another sedative any more than Ohtori did, and he was sure she'd knock them both out if she knew they were awake.

Well, there was nothing for it. With a soft groan, he pushed himself up to sit on the bed, shifting his legs carefully over the side so as not to knock the new fiberglass cast against the metal frame. "Atobe-senpai? What are you doing?" Ohtori asked him in surprise as he slipped down to stand on the floor, wincing at the feel of the frigid floor tiles against his bare foot as he balanced on his good leg.

"Hush, or you'll bring the nurse," Atobe said, disregarding the fact that the comment had been no louder than the rest of their murmured conversation. He eyed the distance between their beds. It was only a few feet, but at that moment it felt like miles.

Being perfect means knowing when to swallow your dignity if necessary, he reminded himself, just a touch sourly. Ohtori watched in wide-eyed shock as his captain proceeded to hop across the space between them, dragging his injured leg behind him.

He's lucky it's me, and not one of the others, the younger boy reflected as he watched the minor spectacle Atobe was making of himself. Shishido-san would never be able to keep himself from laughing his ass off. Neither would Mukahi-senpai, probably. And Atobe with his pride injured would be a very dangerous thing indeed... especially since he's actually exposing himself to try to help me. In point of fact Ohtori didn't find Atobe's awkward hopping in the least funny. He thought it was rather touching.

Standing had caused what felt like all the blood in his body to rush into his injured leg, making the area around the break throb so painfully it made Atobe light-headed. He was forced to perch on the edge of the bed once he reached it, just to keep from collapsing in an utterly embarrassing fashion.

Ohtori was looking up at him, his brown eyes darker than usual in the silver light, looking huge against his pale skin, silver hair, and the white linen of his pillow. He felt a little better just having Atobe there beside him, as silly as it was. He supposed it was the comfort of having something familiar, like a security blanket. Then he imagined Atobe's reaction to learning he'd ever been compared to something as mundane and plebian as a security blanket, and his lips twitched as he fought not to laugh.

"Atobe-senpai," he started again, still a little confused about what his captain was doing over here.

"Hush, I said," Atobe ordered him imperiously. He reached down and snagged the blanket, gritting his teeth against the ache in his own hands as he shook it open and spread it carefully over the younger boy's lanky frame. Really, for someone with that much height on him Ohtori was far too thin, even though Atobe knew there wasn't an inch of him that wasn't muscled.

Without thinking about it, Atobe ran his hand gently through Ohtori's hair after he'd pulled the blanket up. It wasn't the sort of thing he'd ever done before, but it somehow struck him as the thing to do at that moment. Ohtori was the kind of person who enjoyed tactile contact; he'd seen that in the way the younger boy would briefly touch Shishido's shoulder at any excuse, and the indulgent smile he got when Jirou fell asleep on him.

The silver curls weren't 'silky' or any of those other silly descriptions girls sighed over, but it certainly wasn't an unpleasant texture against the callouses on his fingers. Atobe was a little surprised to find that the action comforted him as much as it was supposed to reassure Ohtori. It was tactile confirmation that yes, Ohtori was alive and mostly all right, and Atobe had kept his promise and gotten the younger boy down the mountain. The fact that he'd needed help from the lodge workers was irrelevant.

Catching his breath at the almost hesitant touch of fingers in his hair, Ohtori was afraid to say anything and break the spell. Occasionally, when they were alone together, Shishido would let down his guard enough to touch Ohtori. Usually it was just a pat on the shoulder or a hand on his arm, but it felt a lot like this - like he was being gifted with something the other boy wouldn't do for just anyone. A physical confirmation that Ohtori was privileged enough to be allowed to see behind the mask, even just for a moment.

"Atobe..." the name escaped him on a breath, and it didn't even occur to him that he'd dropped the honourific. He wanted to reach out and touch Atobe in return, but the moment he tried to shift his hands, the pain reminded him why that would be a bad idea.

Atobe would have snatched his hand back, certain Ohtori was about to reprimand him for the overly familiar touch, if he hadn't known that doing so would make him look rather silly. So instead he slowly drew his hand away, as if it had been his intention all along to stop the almost-caress.

His kouhai's next words therefore caught him utterly by surprise. "You don't have to go back over there," Ohtori said, a light flush turning his cheeks dark in the pale light. Unable to return Atobe's gesture physically, he was forced to do it with words instead. Well, if he takes offense, I can always say the painkillers are making me giddy or something, Ohtori reflected ruefully. In for a penny... "There's enough room for both of us. It'd be warmer if you stayed."

That was the second time in one day that Ohtori had managed to shock Atobe speechless. Wryly, the senior reflected that he really needed to stop underestimating the boy. I wonder if he gives Shishido half this much trouble... no, I take that back. If he'd ever said things like this to Shishido, they would be together. So why is he saying them to me?

In the face of Atobe's continued silence, Ohtori was growing flustered. "I'm... I'm sorry, Atobe-buchou," he stammered, reverting to extreme formality in his embarrassment. "That was very forward of me, wasn't it?"

"A bit," Atobe acknowledged dryly, finding his voice again. He started to finish drawing his hand away, hesitated... and then returned to gently stroking the silver hair, in spite of his better judgment. There really was something utterly adorable about a flustered Ohtori. It wasn't hard to see what it was about the junior that had broken through Shishido's reserve.

"Why do you want me to stay?" he asked, honestly curious as to the younger boy's motives. If it had been someone outside the Regulars, he wouldn't have even needed to ask - people were always throwing themselves at him, and clinging to him in an attempt to spend more time in his perfect presence.

But the members of the Hyoutei Regulars were used to spending time around him, and none of them had ever fawned over him the way lesser people did. Even Kabaji simply followed his orders, he didn't actively cling to Atobe. Though he'd never admit it, and in fact frequently scolded them for not appreciating the chance they had to bask in his glory, Atobe much preferred spending time with his teammates over anyone else, precisely because they didn't make a big deal of him. It was nice not to have to constantly fend off admirers once in a while. And to know that you were in fact being respected for your abilities, not merely your looks or your family's wealth.

"Well... I am still cold," Ohtori said slowly, struggling to find words to reflect what he was feeling without making too much of an idiot of himself. "And it's... comforting to have you here," he admitted softly.

"Is that all?" Atobe asked, raising an eyebrow. If it was, that was fine, and he didn't even mind acceding to the boy's request. It wouldn't exactly be onerous to share a bed with Ohtori. They were small enough to be able to fit into the bed without too much trouble, even though it was just a narrow infirmary cot. And it would indeed be warmer with two of them there.

Something told him there was more to it, though, and he wanted to know what. He'd written that request for a kiss on the mountainside off to simple brain freeze, but now he was starting to wonder.

Looking up at Atobe, who was perched on the side of his bed looking like the portrait of a god even dressed in the pyjamas one of the others had fetched down for them and given to the nurse, it again occurred to Ohtori that Atobe really was nearly as beautiful as he thought he was.

The words slipped out before he could allow himself to think about them. "Well, we did find such an entertaining way of staying warm up on the mountain," he said, feeling his heart pound in his throat. Atobe's fingers tightened slightly in his hair in surprise, and he couldn't help sighing softly at the sensation.

"Ohtori..." Atobe wasn't precisely struck speechless this time, but he couldn't seem to think of much to say other than the younger boy's name. Clearing his throat, he gathered his thoughts with an effort of will. "While I appreciate your apparent attraction to me, and I know you said that you and Shishido weren't 'together', don't you think you should be saving that sort of request for him?"

Blush deepening, Ohtori shifted a bit, uncomfortable. It occurred to him that he'd hardly even thought of Shishido since waking. That was... unusual, for him. But that kiss with Atobe was something concrete and visceral, and it was hard to hang on to the wisps of hesitant fantasies in the face of it. Atobe was here, and had already shown that he was happy to kiss him. Shishido... well, he wasn't even sure that there really was anything between them, and it wasn't just his wishful thinking. Though the fact that Atobe had assumed they were together probably meant it wasn't just a fantasy on his part.

Am I really that fickle? he wondered, surprised at himself. Do I only have feelings for Shishido-san because he was the first one to open up to me? If it had been... Mukahi-senpai, or Jirou-senpai, who'd come to me for help, would I have feelings for them instead?

He didn't think so. The fascination Shishido held for him had a great deal to do with his partner's aloofness, and the fact that he was the only one allowed to see behind Shishido's outward facade. Something he was also now experiencing with Atobe.

His confused feelings for Shishido were still there, it was just that his now equally confused feelings about Atobe were more immediate. The question was, did he really want to act on what might be a false attraction brought on by the forced intimacy of their ordeal? Or did he want to take Atobe's advice and wait until he was with Shishido again?

Atobe was waiting patiently for his answer, watching confliction emotions appear and vanish on Ohtori's expressive features. He could tell the younger boy was confused, and he knew he should just go back to his own bed and put an end to it. In fact, he wasn't even sure why he hadn't done that already. It wasn't as if he wanted a relationship with the boy. It would cause far too many problems, even if Ohtori hadn't essentially already been spoken for. What could Ohtori possibly give him that he couldn't find elsewhere, with far fewer problems attached?

Shifting, Ohtori pushed himself upwards on the bed, so that his cheek was now nuzzling against the hand that had been in his hair. Both of them caught their breath this time. Ohtori lifted his eyes to meet Atobe's gaze, and felt almost like he was caught there. How did he keep getting into these oddly intimate situations with his captain, anyway? First they'd spent hours pressed together up on the mountain, and now here they were on a bed, in their nightclothes, with the silver moonlight casting odd shadows and making Atobe look more attractive than any human had a right to be.

"It was probably just the situation, I suppose," Ohtori said, still not moving his eyes from Atobe's. "Thinking you might die probably does weird things to you."

"Mmm," Atobe made a noise of agreement, just as trapped by Ohtori's oddly intense gaze as Ohtori was by his. Those wide dark eyes that usually looked so guileless... was it just his imagination and apparently overactive hormones that made them seem so alluring at the moment? He should move away, he reminded himself. He could have anyone he wanted; Ohtori was not for him.

He didn't move.

"Still," Ohtori continued, his voice growing breathless at the look in Atobe's eyes. "We should... we should try it again, just to make sure. So we won't end up thinking about it, wondering if there really was anything to it or if it was just the stress."

That has to be the flimsiest excuse for a kiss I've ever heard, Atobe reflected with no little amusement. And he'd heard some terribly flimsy ones, from his fans. If anyone but Ohtori had said such a thing, it would have sounded ridiculous. Coming from Ohtori, however, it merely seemed adorable.

Ohtori's face was closer than it had been, and he wondered when the boy had gotten the strength to sit up. Then he realized that Ohtori hadn't moved; he was the one who'd leaned over. "I did warn you that you'd be spoiled for anyone else after kissing me," Atobe murmured, a smile playing over his lips. "After two kisses, it would be almost certain."

Laughing softly, Ohtori smiled up at him. "Well, if I'm already spoiled, I might as well take what I can get, right? Something to remember you by..."

This is a bad idea, Atobe told himself, even as he leaned down and closed the remaining distance between them. A very, very bad idea. You've never been prone to doing foolish things, why are you starting now?

He got his answer as his lips closed over Ohtori's, and the younger boy's sweet taste flooded his senses. It was very different from the kiss on the mountain. There, it had been all about the contrast between the cold of their skin and the heat of their mouths. Now, it was about supple flesh sliding gently together, creating friction and heat of a different kind.

Drowning in sensation, Ohtori opened his mouth slightly, inviting further exploration. Atobe, never one to hesitate to exploit a weakness, immediately slipped his tongue into the younger boy's mouth. Ohtori groaned softly, and his hand automatically came up to try to hold the back of Atobe's head, to keep him from leaving.

Pain spiked through him the moment he tried to move his hand, however, and he pulled away from the kiss with an agonized gasp. "Oh gods... my hand," he managed to get out in explanation, lest Atobe think he was recoiling from the kiss.

"Don't move," Atobe ordered him, his voice soft despite the edge to it that Ohtori thought just might have been a result of their kiss. "Just relax, Ohtori. You're tensing up and that's making you try to clench your hand; calm down."

Taking deep breaths, Ohtori finally managed to follow Atobe's instructions, forcibly relaxing his muscles. He gave the older boy a rueful look. "At this rate, I'm going to have to wait until we're healed and ask you to kiss me again, if I really want to experience it."

"Indeed." Grey eyes sparkled wickedly, and a smug little smirk curved Atobe's lips as he gazed down at his kouhai. "I might have to suspect you of manufacturing interruptions, so that you'll have an excuse to try again later." Despite his outward calm, inside his heart was pounding, and he was struggling to control a welter of emotions that he hadn't been prepared for. That kiss had been...

He is not for you, he reminded himself harshly. He forced himself to move back, to slide off the bed and balance again on his good leg, once more wincing at the chill of the floor.

"Atobe?" Ohtori said in surprise as he drew away. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he couldn't help looking down again at the younger boy. Ohtori's dark eyes were pleading with him. "Don't leave, please? I promise I won't ask to kiss you again, if it bothers you that much. But it really would be warmer to have you here."

Was there anyone who could resist that particular soulfully begging look of Ohtori's? Certainly not Shishido. And apparently not Atobe, either. "All right," he agreed, not nearly as reluctant as he should have been. Carefully he lifted the covers and slid into the bed, mindful both of Ohtori's hands and his own cast. It took a bit of adjusting, and a few more soft pained cries on both their parts, but finally they were settled facing each other, close enough to be able to feel each other's body heat.

Some impulse he didn't understand prompted Atobe to lift his arm slightly. Ohtori took it as an invitation to move closer, and shifted until his head was pillowed against Atobe's shoulder and chest, with Atobe half on his back and his arm around Ohtori's shoulders. It was a bit awkward, and probably looked slightly ridiculous considering Ohtori was taller than him by several inches... but it felt good.

"Thank you, Atobe... senpai," Ohtori added the honourific just a beat to late. Atobe snorted softly in amusement.

"Considering the situation, I think just 'Atobe' is fine, Ohtori," the senior said. Ohtori nodded, and shifted just a little bit closer. Atobe's body was warm against his, and if he hadn't been in so much pain Ohtori suspected he'd have been rather aroused by the closeness they were sharing. He blushed again, grateful that Atobe wouldn't be able to see it at this angle.

Just when the silence had stretched on long enough that he was starting to suspect Atobe had actually fallen asleep, the senior surprised him by speaking again. "It doesn't 'bother me'," Atobe said, his voice blurred with pain and exhaustion. Ohtori knew what he was talking about without needing it explained in any further detail. "Kissing you is quite... pleasant. But it wouldn't be right. And not just because it's not me you should be doing this with."

Ohtori couldn't help but smile at that. How many people would believe that Atobe Keigo had a single self-sacrificing bone in his body? Yet here he was, denying his own pleasure because he thought that Ohtori's heart was directed elsewhere.

In that moment, Ohtori thought he might have fallen just a little bit in love with his captain.

"Go to sleep, Atobe," he murmured. He got a sleepy growl in reply, presumably at his presumption in giving Atobe any kind of order, and chuckled softly. "If you're right, then tomorrow once we've gone our separate ways, we won't even think about this again." And if there is meant to be something between us, it will still be there after I've gotten a bit of space and had a chance to clear my head, and after I've seen Shishido-san again, Ohtori finished to himself.

Despite the pain that still haunted him, with Atobe's reassuring presence and warmth against him he found himself drifting off to sleep again. Perhaps it was only his imagination, or even the first wisp of a dream, but he thought he heard someone say "Sleep well... Choutarou-kun," and he couldn't help smiling in response.

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