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Chapter 2 Omi knew he was in shock - he had all the classic symptoms; his heart was hammering in his throat, his skin was cold and clammy, and he felt dizzy and detached from the situation. He stared at the TV, each tiny body they hauled out of the pit feeling like a blow to his system. Vaguely he was aware of Hiroshi's concerned voice, of the others asking if he was okay as he started to hyperventilate. He was incapable of responding, too caught up in the horror of what he was seeing. His fault. It was all his fault. Ken and Aya had planted the bombs, but HE was the leader, HE was the one who had decided where the bombs went, HE was the one who had declared that the children must have already been moved - and most damning of all, HE was the one who had pressed the detonator. If they had searched harder, longer for the missing kids, they might have found that room; if they had put the bombs somewhere else, that room might have survived; if they had held the raid another night, the kids might not have been there... twenty-three children, from age five to age ten, and every one of their deaths was on HIS head. Someone slapped him, hard, across the cheek, and he jerked in reaction. "Wha..." "You were having hysterics," Shuuichi told him, crouched in front of him with wide eyes. Omi wasn't sure when the pink-haired vocalist had gotten there, but he gathered from the concerned looks of everyone around him that he'd been out of it for some time now. The story on the TV had changed, and was now showing a report on a car crash that had happened early that morning. "Did you know one of the kids or something?" Omi shook his head, unable to explain to them just why this was so upsetting to him. Hiroshi understood, and Omi could feel his comforting warmth against his back - at some point he'd been pulled into his boyfriend's lap, and Hiro was holding him tightly. He was shivering in his lover's arms, unable to still the uncontrollable shaking in his limbs. "I... I have to..." His cell phone rang, startling them all. Sliding off Hiro's lap back into his own chair, Omi reached for it numbly. "Omi," he said into the speaker, already knowing who was going to be on the other end. "Come to the Koneko as soon as possible," Manx replied without any pretence at a greeting. Omi nodded though he knew she couldn't see him, and the line clicked off. He stared at the phone for a moment, still trying to process what was happening. "Who was it?" Hiro asked him, dark eyes full of concern for his shaken lover. "Manx," Omi replied, not even thinking about the presence of other people in the room. "I need to go to the Koneko." "I'll take you..." Hiroshi started, but Omi shook his head. He stood, feeling like he was walking through a dream - the world had that kind of one-step-removed-from-reality quality to it. "I'll take a cab," he insisted. "You stay here - I'll see you this afternoon. Probably. Maybe." He drew a deep trembling breath, willing himself to stay together. He could fall apart AFTER he got to the Koneko, not before. Hiro gave him a searching look, before finally nodding reluctantly. "I'll walk you to the door, at least," he said, and took Omi's arm before the younger boy could protest. "You guys hold the meeting for a few minutes, okay?" he asked the room at large. "I'll be right back." They walked out of the conference room towards the lobby together, Omi still feeling like everything was not quite real. "What's going to happen?" Hiro asked him under his breath. "I don't know," Omi replied, shaking his head. "Nothing like this has ever happened before. At a guess... I'd say Weiss is going to be put on hold for a while. Kritiker has enough other teams now that they don't need us as badly, and we'll be second-guessing every move we make if we don't take the time to deal with it." He heard his own voice as if from a great distance, and marvelled at its steadiness. Hiro waited with him until the taxi showed up, watching him in concern. Omi knew he ought to say something to reassure his lover, but there just didn't seem to be anything to say that wouldn't be trite or patently false. Instead he stayed silent, listening to his own thoughts chase themselves around in guilty little circles in his head. My fault, it's all my fault... Finally the taxi arrived, and Hiro piled Omi into the seat with care, handing money to the driver and giving him directions. Omi smiled a thank-you - he was in no shape to deal with the mundane realities of life, he knew. As the car pulled away from the curb, he saw Hiroshi watching with a scared look on his face. The shop was all but deserted when he got there - not surprising, first thing on a Saturday morning. All the girls were in school until noon, and it was still too early for other casual shoppers to drift in. Momoe sat in her accustomed place, petting her cat absently, but her usual sunny smile was missing. Omi nodded at her briefly, passing by on autopilot for the mission room. The descent down the stairs seemed to take forever, even though it was only a few steps. As the room came into view, he became aware of a stifling tension and a misery that matched his own. Aya was slouched into one of the couches, while Ken paced back and forth behind him, Manx and Birman watching them with cool eyes. Ken turned at the sound of Omi's footsteps on the stairs, and reached over to pull his friend into a hug. At the feel of those strong arms around him, knowing he'd finally reached a place where people who understood the horror he felt surrounded him, his iron control broke at last. He broke down in wracking sobs, his shoulders shaking as he clung to Ken and wept. Ken cried as well, murmuring reassurances through his own tears. "It's not your fault, Omi, you couldn't have known, it's not your fault..." His teammates were well aware of his tendency to take the blame on himself, apparently, despite his constant attempts to hide it. Aya watched them, his own face impassive, but Omi saw through his tears that the stony-faced man's violet eyes were filled with deep sorrow and shock. He was no less affected by this tragedy than Omi and Ken, he just couldn't show it as openly. At last the tears wound down, and they wiped their faces on their sleeves before guiding each other to the free couch. They huddled together there, as if seeking each other's warmth to stave off the chill horror they all felt. Manx cleared her throat. "Boys, we realize how difficult this must be for you," she said, her own voice just a touch unsteady. Somehow that made Omi feel worse - Manx was always cool and unflappable, nothing ever got to her. "I'm sure you realize that Kritiker can NOT allow you to go out on any further missions in this state. Investigations are being made into the tragedy, but I am certain that you will be absolved of all guilt." Omi was shocked - it hadn't even occurred to him that Kritiker might question how the children had been killed. "It's just a formality," Birman added, seeing the looks on their faces. "No one in the organization believes that this was anything other than a horrible accident." "However," Manx continued firmly, "For the foreseeable future, Weiss is being disbanded." "Disbanded!" Ken exclaimed, eyes wide. "You can't do that, Manx! Weiss is all we have!" "After everything we've been through," Omi added his voice to the protest. "After everything we've done! You're just going to walk away and abandon us?" His voice was shrill, and he forced himself to calm down a bit. Manx was giving them all her usual immoveable look. "We are not 'abandoning you'," she repeated coolly. "Weiss was disbanded once before under extreme circumstances, and you all managed all right then. Youji will remain at the police hospital until he is well enough to function on his own, and Kritiker will of course cover his expenses. Once the internal investigation is finished, you'll all be given severance bonuses as well." She hesitated, then added in a somewhat softer voice, "Technically I should be requiring you to leave the Koneko immediately, however we don't have anyone currently set up to take your place here, so you may stay until you find alternative accommodations." "Gee, thanks," Ken said, his voice dripping with bitter sarcasm. Omi could see that he was furious, and Aya didn't look happy either. "Nice to know you're not going to shove us out the door on our asses." Omi knew Manx better than the others; only he caught the flicker of guilt in her eyes before she turned away from them. "How long?" Omi asked her, his voice still unsteady. "How long until we can come back?" Manx didn't turn to look at him, and it was Birman who answered. "That depends on you four," she answered calmly. "But I have to tell you, at this point we're looking at a permanent disbanding." "Permanent!" Aya exclaimed, rising to his feet in anger. He winced as the move put weight on his bad knee, and collapsed back into the seat again. "Why?" he demanded. "You have given almost three years of your lives to Weiss," Manx replied, turning to face them once more. "You SHOULD have been retired after Takatori Reiji's death, but circumstances dictated that we call you back in. You certainly should have been retired after Esstet's collapse, but again, circumstances were such that we needed you more than ever. Weiss has been together and in operation longer than any other group in Kritiker's history. You all need a break - you need to remember what it means to live like normal people again." "IF after some time, you decide that you want to return to Kritiker, a position will certainly be made for you," Birman added. "In the unlikely event that all four of you return - and it IS unlikely, in our experience, no matter how much you doubt it now," she told Ken before he could interrupt her. "Then Weiss will be reformed. You have all learned to work well as a team together, and Kritiker values that ability. Otherwise, you'll be assimilated into other groups, or assigned individual work." "How long before we can come back?" Omi asked uncertainly. "A minimum of six months," Manx told him. "Though we'd prefer at least a year." She glanced at each of them in turn, then sighed. "It has been a pleasure and an honour working with you, boys. In case you're not aware of it, you are the best team that Kritiker has ever fielded. You have more solved cases and a higher ratio of successful missions than any other two teams combined. No one currently in the organization has half your experience - we're going to be hard pressed to replace you." She nodded to them crisply, then turned to vanish up the stairs, Birman following at her heels. There was silence in the mission room for a long moment, as if they were afraid to speak and make it real. "What the hell is Youji supposed to do?" Ken finally burst out, getting up to pace again. "He's supposed to be getting complete bed rest - how's he supposed to do that if he doesn't even have anywhere to live?" "You're all welcome to come live with Hiroshi and I," Omi offered impulsively. "It'll be a little cramped, but we can manage..." Ken shook his head, giving his youngest teammate a brief smile. "No, there's no point. We'd still need to be looking for another place, and since they're not kicking us out of the Koneko right away..." he sighed and raked a hand through his dark hair, carefully avoiding the bandage still in place around his head. "This sucks!" "What are you guys going to do?" Omi asked, wishing he could find something to say to comfort his friend. Of them all Omi was the best off, since he already had another life waiting to welcome him. He knew Hiroshi wouldn't object to the end of the missions that took his lover from him, despite how supportive he'd been. And he could enrol in college for real, take some courses that weren't easy enough for him to pass without doing the homework, ones that wouldn't just be a cover for his nightly activities. Of course, the problem he'd discovered the last time they'd left Weiss still remained. It was hard to watch things happening around you - kidnappings, murders, other unspeakable crimes - and KNOW that you could be doing something about it, and not do anything at all. How could he just sit by and watch people getting hurt, knowing he could help? It went against everything he lived for. Ken snorted, and flopped back into the couch beside Omi. "Who knows?" he muttered, answering Omi's question. "You guys at least have Aya-chan and Hiroshi to go home to - Youji and I don't have anybody or anything." Aya looked thoughtful at the mention of his sister. "Maybe I'll go visit her in Kyoto for a while," he said reluctantly. "It would be good to see her again..." "You'll find something, Ken-kun, and so will Youji-kun," Omi reassured his best friend, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Just promise we won't all lose touch, the way we did after Takatori died. Please?" They both nodded, and silence settled over them once more. It wasn't a comfortable silence, filled with all the things they couldn't find the words to say. Weiss had been a family, however dysfunctional, and it would be hard for them to leave it. Finally Omi shook his head and stood up, catching his breath at the pain of his stiff limbs. "I need to get back," he told them reluctantly. "Hiroshi must be going out of his mind - he was there when I saw the newscast." Ken stood as well, and caught the smaller boy up in a tight hug. "Take care of yourself, Omi," he whispered in his friend's ear. Omi gave him a weak smile and hugged him back. "You too, Ken-kun. And you, Aya-kun. I... I'll miss you both!" He turned and bolted for the stairs, knowing he would break into tears again if he stayed any longer. Welcoming the pain of his bruises to distract him from the pain of his heart, he walked out the door of the shop that had been his home for nearly three years for perhaps the last time. | |
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|Chapter 1| |Chapter 2| |Chapter 3| |Chapter 4| |Chapter 5| |Epilogue| |